Some Nights
by steve-capsicle-rogers
Summary: Steve Rogers is struggling with the memories and the pain from losing so much with no warning. Struggling with existing in a world so very different from the one he left behind. Some nights he can't force himself to even look at his bed much less attempt sleep. However he isn't the only one who actively avoids such a basic need.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything recognizable in **any **of these chapters so this will be my disclaimer for the whole thing.

_This is movie-verse (there may be a nod or two to the comic-verse) and AU. I've made some changes with ages (they will be obvious, but not impact the character's personality). For this first chapter I took dialogue and some scenes from the movies Captain America: the First Avenger and The Avengers. I do not claim anything that is recognizable. So if you recognize it then it isn't mine._

_There will be both slash and het couples. Nothing explicit. There will be warnings for slash scenes and links on my profile for extended scenes (there will be notes about this)._

_Steve/Tony, Clint/Natasha, Thor/Jane, Bruce/?_

* * *

Everything was so cold. The crushing type of cold that stole the breath out of even a supersoldier; that settled deep within a person's very soul. It was everywhere and if Steve Rogers had been asked in that moment he would have sworn that his heart was also encased in ice along with his body, his shield and the steel prison that was composed of a plane. But no one could ask him and he didn't have the ability to answer. His last conscious moments while buried in the ice, the aircraft sinking deeper as it became hidden, was of Peggy's voice talking about dancing with his own worried about stepping on her feet. The pain in that voice that had meant so much to him and belonged to one of the toughest women he knew had caused his breath to catch in his throat. And then his vision had been filled with white, unforgiving white that covered everything as far as the eye could see in those last moments and now instead of that horrible white his vision was being taken over by blackness. He was alone, lost. And with that last thought he allowed the darkness to embrace him and drag him deep into unconsciousness. To take him away from the world that he loved so much, that he had fought so hard to protect. The inside of the aircraft was silent, still and unspeakably cold.

Blue eyes blinked open and Steve Rogers idly took in the sound of a game he'd watched in 1941. The room _looked_ like a recovery room and the woman who entered shortly upon his waking _looked_ like she might be a nurse. But everything was wrong, everything _felt_ wrong because the last thing he remembered was crushing darkness and the warmth being leeched from his very soul.

"Where am I?" because he needed confirmation or at least a hint to what was going on. Everything was wrong. His mind was screaming.

"You're in a recovery room in New York City." Came the prompt response from the woman who smiled at him, but it was fake. The words sounded reasonable, but he knew it to be a lie. At least on some level. He stared at her with his eyebrows drawn together and looked around the room before returning to staring at the 'nurse'.

"Where am I really?" there was no way Steve Rogers was going to allow this charade to go on any longer. He was getting answers and he was getting them now. His voice held the force of command because he _needed_ answers. And he would be damned if he didn't pry them out one way or another.

"I'm afraid I don't understand." The nervousness of her laughter only increased his frustration and a building anger. Steve did not have time for this. The screaming in his mind increased, consumed him and fueled the vehement need for answers. He would not acknowledge the horrible feeling in his heart, the one that told him that maybe ignorance was much better and he didn't want the truth. That the answers he sought might only bring him pain. But he had never been good at giving up, at accepting defeat and the woman before him knew something. She had answers.

"The game. It's from May 1941. I know because I was there." The smile fell from her face and panic was noticeable in her eyes as she scrambled to recover. Steve could see her mind working furiously. He rose from the bed, "Now I'm going to ask you again. Where am I?" he approached, not holding back on his emotions. It was past time for being polite.

"Captain Rogers." Her voice was panicked and he idly noted that her hand squeezed around something. That probably wasn't a good sign.

"Who are you?" the anger he'd kept at bay lashed out and her mouth dropped open slightly as the door opened behind her with two armed men entering. The threat was real and he would _not_ be holding back. As they approached Steve attacked and the wall of the small room gave way as they smashed through to reveal a huge room that his little 'recovery room' had been located in. Steve could hear the woman yelling behind him, trying to get his attention, but his heart was pounding and his mind was screaming at him and he needed fresh air. He needed to escape because nothing about this was right and everything was wrong. So very very wrong. Where was Peggy? Where were the others? Was he even in New York City or was this some foreign land that had captured him? What about the War? His men?

Steve Rogers burst through the doors of the huge room, tore off down the hallways shoving people out of the way as a voice came over an intercom calling out _All agents code 13_. Which did _not_ sound good in this foreign building; he looked around wildly and made for the exit. He just needed to get out of here. To escape and find answers. To find his team and Peggy because then everything would be alright. Then he was outside and there were cars everywhere. But these were not any types of cars he'd seen before and the buildings were huge, elaborate and while things looked somewhat familiar they all looked so different. Alien almost. He raced down the street trying to escape that horrible building he'd been in. Heart pounding Steve ran down the road and then slowed down before nothing was familiar. Spinning around he looked at the people dressed differently, the huge signs, the lights, the noise and now there were cars with people surrounding him from all sides. He couldn't breathe. It was wrong. It was all so very wrong.

"At ease soldier." The only familiar thing was that phrase. He'd heard it so many times before and turned to the source. Maybe this might be an answer. Hopefully a truthful one. Before him stood a man dressed in all black with an equally black eye patch. The man approached at a confident and steady clip. "Look I'm sorry about that little show back there but we thought it best to break it to you slowly."

"Break what?" he demanded as he continued to breathe harshly. There was a pounding in his ears because this couldn't be good. Nothing like this could lead to anything good.

"You've been asleep, Cap. For almost seventy years." The man responded. Steve didn't know that it would only take two little sentences to rip his heart out and shred it to pieces. It had to be a joke. _Almost_ _seventy years_? Almost seven decades of his life just…gone? Just like that? Everything he'd known and fought for and loved and hated and all those things that pushed him into action, which drove him to succeed and to do the right thing had been ripped from him just like that? No warning or explanation? Why? Why hadn't that crash just _killed _him? It wasn't right and it wasn't fair and nothing made any sense. His eyes burned.

Steve couldn't breathe. The world was spinning, was crashing down upon him and nothing looked familiar! _Why couldn't anything look familiar_? Steve looked around and turned. How was it possible to feel all this pain and not die from it? Why didn't anyone look half as effected as he felt inside? Were people so robotic in their feelings 70 years into the future?

"You going to be ok?" the same man was still speaking so calmly as though he hadn't just destroyed Steve Rogers' entire world. As if he hadn't killed a small part of Steve's soul. As though he hadn't taken any hope that Steve had still harbored and turned it to ash.

"Yeah. Yeah. I just. I had a date." It was a lie. He wasn't ok. Nothing was ok and everything was still so very wrong. Captain Steve Rogers had come up with a plan that had started with ending the War and continued on to settling down so he could raise a family because that was something his mother had always wanted for him. He had believed, honestly believed that he could be happy following that course of action. Maybe not as happy as he could be in a perfect world, but happy and content. Peggy had been the best choice, he'd cared for her so much and Steve was sure he'd been getting close to true, honest love. How could you not love one of your best friends? Because that was what Peggy had rapidly become. That date would have been the first real stepping stone after that good luck kiss she'd given him. Now he'd never know if it would have worked out. If they would developed their friendship into something more. He couldn't get his mind off of it. All of it. Everything was just gone. No chance to see if he could have been happy with Peggy as his wife, with that type of future.

The man led him over to a car and took him back to the building he'd escaped from. Down into a lower level with the man who he would find out was Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD, Steve Rogers would find a gym clearly built from him. He stared at the punching bag and wordlessly walked towards it. With all the anger and the pain and the hurt and the certainty that nothing would ever be right he threw his fist at the bag. It tore itself free of the hook and soared across the room. Sand covered the ground. That one punch had not even released a fraction of his pain and anguish. Breathing was still very much a difficulty.

"Looks like we might need more punching bags." It was said lightly as the other man left him alone. After all they didn't have a need for him right now and why on Earth would anyone think he might need someone or something to talk to? Eventually SHIELD set him up in an apartment with folders full of information about those he'd left behind. About all of his deceased friends and the retired Peggy Carter. With a computer that provided him with footage from the War. Images of his men and himself fighting for his country. Steve Rogers looked down at Howard Stark's information that marked him as deceased before moving to the next paper. Howard Stark had been a father. His mind actually froze as it was so hard to imagine that wild man settling down long enough to marry and have a child. A son who looked close to the young Howard that Steve remembered so very vividly, but quite different at the same time. Maybe he could find some kind of comfort or confidant with Anthony "Tony" Stark. Possibly some answers that SHIELD was not giving him. Steve needed to leave. Wanted to visit the gym. Not the one from SHIELD, but another closer to his new _home_.

The walk didn't help. Nothing was comforting, nothing familiar. The people were different. The buildings were changed. And there was so much noise. So much chaos. No one appeared to be focused on the world outside of their own individual lives. He could vaguely recall the waitress that had been friendly to him, the old man who had joked about him asking for her number. Once he arrived at the gym Steve changed and headed towards the punching bags. The owner already knew about the damage they would sustain and Steve had used the money that he'd accrued while frozen in the ice to pay for the damage he knew he was about to cause.

His mind kept flashing back to the past. To all the things he'd seen and left behind as he kept punching at the bag. His hits increased in speed and strength. All he could think about was the loss of Dr. Erskine, Bucky, the Howling Commandos, Howard and Peggy. Of everything he'd known. The gym lights were dim and the only sounds he could hear were the hits to the bag, a slight creaking from the chain and his own breathing. His hits increased until he was throwing far too much power into the bag until it broke and smashed into the ground. Just another destroyed punching bag. Sand everywhere. Steve Rogers stood there breathing heavily as his mind fought to return to the present. Away from the demons from his past. Then he was hanging another. He managed to throw a few more punches before a voice cut in.

"Trouble sleeping?" Nick Fury's voice came from his right and Steve Rogers couldn't stop the sarcastic thought of _what sleep?_

"I slept for 70 years, sir. I think I've had my fill." He continued to punch the bag, throwing his frustration and anger into each punch. Trying to escape the ever present pain that continued to consume his mind.

Part of him hoped that the Director of SHIELD would leave, that he would just walk away and leave him to his horrible thoughts. He figured it should be obvious he'd wanted away from SHIELD when he refused to use the gym they had first taken him to in their building. That hope was crushed as the voice spoke once more, "Then you should be out, celebrating, seeing the world."

A voice in Steve's head screamed out his frustration and pain. What was there to celebrate? Everyone he cared about was dead or lost to him. Nothing was familiar. All those things that he held close were gone. The world was so chaotic, fast, disconnected and changed. There was nothing to celebrate. He tried to focus away from those thoughts, even if it was just a short distance, but his mind circled back to the War.

He moved from the bag and began to unwrap his hands as he turned his back to Nick Fury. "When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost." No one had said much of anything to him actually. Just some file folders and a few short bits of information.

Of course Fury had a comeback to the comment. Steve Rogers still didn't have much information on what had happened between the time he went into the ice to the current moment. No one had supplied him with information or really answered his questions. Those files were the most he'd acquired at this time. There were little pieces of information he'd gained, but nothing of true value.

"We've made some mistakes along the way. Some, very recently." Steve continued to look down. _That doesn't sound good_ came the sardonic thought as he tried not to physically react to Fury's words about mistakes.

Instead of going into any of his scornful thoughts he moved in a different direction, "You here with a mission, sir?" Captain Rogers needed to get out of this place, out of the gym and away from the nightmares that wouldn't let him sleep. Because darkness creeping up on his vision had been the last thing he'd seen before his world had ended. He wasn't really ready to embrace unconsciousness lest he wake up another seventy years in the future or somewhere worse.

"I am." _Lovely…what are they going to do to me now?_

He decided to not voice that slightly dark thought and instead, "Trying to get me back in the world?" it would be a surprise if that was actually what the man was trying to do because so far they'd only kept him from the world. Their first action had been to create something fake to fool him and then once he'd discovered the truth they'd locked him away as though he was a bad secret that needed to be buried. A dangerous secret because he'd noticed the slight flinches a few agents had when they had to interact with him; though he was sure it was due to how he'd escaped their custody in the first place and not because of him as a person. The apartment was SHIELD monitored just like all of his communications and interactions. He knew that if he said or did something off that an agent would be quickly at his side.

"Trying to save it." Well…that didn't sound good. Why were his thoughts so derisive? Probably because he had nothing left. The only thing that he still had from his past was his shield and for that he'd had to actually _threaten_ them once he'd discovered they were keeping it from him.

Steve Rogers took the folder held out to him and flipped it open. There staring back at him was something very familiar and suddenly he found himself wishing for the unfamiliar. That horrible glowing cube that caused only death and destruction. "HYDRA's secret weapon."

"Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you." Steve turned the page and wished that Howard had focused on his machines instead of searching for him. "He thought what we think. The Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs."

Does it really? The world looked like it had more than enough energy. Far too much. That cube was better off lost in the ocean. Lost to the world. "Who took it from you?"

"He's called Loki. He's not from around here. There's a lot we'll need to bring you up to speed on if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know."

Steve got to his feet, "At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me."

"Ten bucks says you're wrong." Steve picked up a punching bag and collected his things as he began towards the exit, "There's a debriefing packet waiting for you back at your apartment. Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?"

"You should have left it in the ocean." _And me in the ice_. He wanted to be left alone. Wanted to curl up and cry and scream and rage against the world. Captain Steve Rogers just wanted to give in. To give up. But he couldn't. It wasn't in him. His heart and soul fought against those feelings of loss, loneliness and despair. However, Steve Rogers would not give up. Could not do that. He was a fighter. He'd been given a second chance. Now a third chance in the future. He would not fail Dr. Erskine. Steve Rogers was just a boy from Brooklyn who had been given a chance that he would not squander. Those feelings simmered below the surface, trying to surge up and choke him. But like the fighter he was Steve beat them back and soldiered onward.

Next thing he knew he'd showered, changed clothes and grabbed what he thought he might need. Meeting Agent Phil Coulson was both amusing and slightly scary; especially when the man admitted to watching him sleep. It was hard not to like the other man even though at times Coulson seemed to be barely restraining himself from hugging him. The information about the others in the Avengers' Initiative was fascinating and he'd felt his heart leap into his throat when he'd read the familiar name once more. Stark. There was a great chance he would be meeting Howard's son. Someone who might be a slightly familiar face and have answers that no one was giving him. It was all his mind could focus on when he'd seen the other man's name. More information about the future was such a welcome change. He had been starved for information, but continued to keep a neutral and somewhat obedient façade. Sometimes keeping up such a mask was both necessary and beneficial. At least until he honestly knew what he was dealing with and who he was working alongside.

Then they were talking about his suit, his uniform. Weren't the stars and stripes a little old fashioned? He thought it idly before voicing a more comprehensive thought out loud. Coulson's response caused a slightly light feeling in his chest and the joy in the other man's face when he had told him that he'd had a hand in designing the suit was slightly entertaining. He wondered if it would be close to what Howard and he had designed originally.

* * *

Iron Man rocketed towards the open portal in the sky and Captain America tried his hardest not to be sick. His harsh words from earlier playing a horrible mantra in his mind even as he ran over what he'd said to Iron Man over the comm. _Stark_, _you know that's a one-way trip_. He'd never been more wrong in his entire life.

_You're not the kind of guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you_.

No. Tony Stark would cut the wire. He'd cut it and use himself as a human shield to protect everyone else. At the cost of his own life. Without second guessing it. Tony Stark was a hero. He wasn't pretending. Maybe Steve was the pretender. The boy from Brooklyn had been willing to throw himself onto a grenade. Where was he now? While Captain America was stuck on the ground, helpless and unable to protect his teammate.

Steve watched as Iron Man disappeared along with the nuke into another dimension. Everything collapsed around them. Eyes turned back toward the sky before he released a sigh. He forced the order out for Black Widow to shut the portal as he looked away. Even from the ground he could sense her hesitation before she complied. Iron Man was lost. Tony Stark was gone. He'd let Howard's only son sacrifice himself for everyone and had done nothing to stop it.

Captain Rogers' mind flashed back to the words they exchanged on the helicarrier.

_Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?_

_Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist._

_I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you fight for is yourself._

_Always a way out…You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero._

_A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything that you are came out of a bottle!_

Then his mind flashed over to the effects that the Tesseract had on all of them. The feelings that weren't quite his own, but at the same time wasn't very far from what he'd been thinking. Just a little blunter and harsher then what he typically would have. A more corrupt thinking than Steve had ever entertained before.

_Bruce being shocked, "Captain America is on a potential threat watch list?"_

_And Tony Stark's smartass reply, "You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?"_

_He could remember the anger surging through him, "I swear to God, Stark, one more crack…"_

"_Threatening! I feel threatened!"_

It was all gone in an instant. All of that time wasted and he didn't spend any of it getting to know Howard's son. Tony Stark. To give the other man, his teammate, an honest chance. He'd hoped to see more of Howard in Tony, but instead of getting some connection to his past everything had gone downhill so rapidly. Tony had managed to dig in and bring out some of the worst in Steve. Managed to get under his skin in a way that very few ever had and at the same time had managed to pull at his heart, make him think and push him in a direction he might not have normally gone. To seek out answers instead of being passive and accepting SHIELD at face value.

Just as the portal in the sky was closing something fell through. "Son of a gun." Relief rushed up through his whole body as a grin fought its way onto his face.

"He's not slowing down." Thor began to swing his hammer and Steve stared at his falling teammate. Then there was no need for Thor's rescue as the Hulk flung himself through the air and grabbed Tony from the sky, grasping onto the building as they slid down. He sprung off and hit a car before sliding across the ground on his back, cushioning Tony before pushing him off onto the ground. Steve found himself running towards his fallen teammate.

Thor gripped Iron Man's face plate before ripping it off and tossing it aside. Steve put his ear over Tony's face to listen for breathing. His hand touched the dead arc reactor as he crouched over Tony Stark's body. The Hulk roared and Tony jerked awake

"What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me." His breathing was harsh and slightly erratic. But Tony Stark was breathing. He was alive, animated, looking around, talking and _he wasn't dead_. Steve Rogers had never felt more relieved. He had a second chance. The second chance he never got with Bucky who he watched die. With Agent Coulson who had given his life fighting against Loki.

Relief was so strong it nearly stole his breath. "We won."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it." it was humorous and something Steve desperately needed. It was so far away from the death and pain surrounding them that he was more than willing to embrace that kind of response.

Thor looked down at Tony who was still lying in the middle of the destroyed road, face exposed and showing off a few cuts. "We're not finished yet."

Steve turned from looking down at Tony, relief still coursing through his veins, as he glanced back at Thor over his shoulder wondering what they still needed to do. Because quite honestly Tony Stark had just voiced the greatest idea ever. The best one since he had woken up.

"And then shawarma after." Tony's voice cut through the air once more. It appeared as though Tony's mind was stuck on food. On something other than the fact that he had almost died. Had almost sacrificed his life for Earth. At this point they were all probably better off sleeping because Steve was actually having trouble remembering the last time he'd slept and if Tony's comments on the helicarrier were anything to go by the same could be said for him.

Steve began to check on the other two teammates who were not accounted for. Natasha still on the top of Stark Tower and Clint was slowly making his way towards them. The archer was injured, but moving steadily through the debris with his bow. Steve got to his feet before reaching down a hand to haul Tony to his feet. Caught the other man as he swayed before righting himself. Carefully they began moving through the destroyed streets littered with broken cars, fires, bodies and rubble. The whole time he remained close to Tony Stark in case the other man had difficulties remaining upright. His other teammates looked more or less like they could walk on their own.

Eventually they made it to Stark Tower. To the building he'd referred to as ugly. To the top where Natasha was waiting for them with the scepter that Steve wanted nothing more than to snap in half before setting on fire. That thing had destroyed lives today. Had destroyed New York. His city even though it had changed so very much from when he'd been there decades before.

Loki was crawling across the wreckage on the floor, towards the steps as they assembled behind him. Prepared for the possibility of another attack. Clint looked far too ready to shoot the god of mischief with his bow while Natasha had a firm grip on the scepter. Steve felt his own hand grip onto his shield as he fought down the anger that was brewing in his stomach. He could the Hulk breathing near him and saw Thor holding onto his hammer tightly.

A groan escaped as Loki finally looked at them, "If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now." Steve did not get the reference even though it appeared as though Tony might.

Steve watched as Tony stepped towards the injured god, could practically feel the tension in every inch of Tony's body. "That offer has expired." There was an underlying anger to each of his words. "Throwing someone out of their own window isn't the best way to make friends." There was no real joking manner in either comment that had been present in most of Tony Stark's interactions that Steve had witnessed. Instead there was wariness and anger.

Thor stepped forward, still clutching his hammer as he hauled his brother to his feet. Steve was unaware of where exactly they found restraints while Tony removed his damaged armor, but eventually they were moving through the streets towards Tony's newest point of interest. Thor secured Loki out of the way before the group settled itself around the table while Tony spoke with what appeared to be the owners. The woman in the restaurant was sweeping as a delicious smell filled the place and Steve allowed himself to relax. To let the exhaustion take over his body, steal the tension from his muscles even as food began to fill the table with Tony taking a seat near Bruce.

His teammates, his new allies were in equal states of exhaustion as they relied heavily on their chairs keeping them upright as each began to try the food. Steve made it through two before he found himself leaning forward with his face against his fist. Thor had already eaten three and was on his fourth while Bruce and Tony were on their second. Both Natasha and Clint were slowly working through their first. He'd seen the way Natasha would keep an eye on Clint when she believed no one was aware. Had seen the fond expression on her face and the relief. Steve had seen the love there as well.

Steve wasn't sure if he'd ever be grateful for how quickly he recovered after being prevented from getting drunk the one time he'd honestly needed it, but feeling the strength begin to surge back through his body was a welcome relief. It helped to stave off the exhaustion until he could actually give into it. Carefully they got to their feet as Tony stumbled towards the owners with a check. He watched as the woman stared at it, shaking her head and trying to push it back. But Tony Stark gave her a tired smile as he stepped away from her. His footsteps faltered slightly as he swayed with exhaustion, but he regained his footing rapidly. Ever stubborn.

"I insist. That should cover our bill and assist with repairs."

"This is too much. I cannot possibly—"

Tony waved a hand and offered a shrug, "How about you keep the money and we get free shawarma whenever we come in?"

Tears filled the woman's eyes as her husband walked over before staring in shock at the check. "You are welcome anytime." There was an honest grateful note to her voice and Steve found a grin sliding across his features. Before either could blink the woman had wrapped Tony Stark up into a hug. Steve could see the stiffening of Tony's shoulders before the other man carefully relaxed into her hold. "Thank you for saving us. Thank all of you." She whispered, but each Avenger heard her in the silence that had descended upon the restaurant.

"You're very welcome, Ma'am." Steve walked closer as she released Tony and he saw the sway before it became too much of a problem. His hand moved out to support the smaller man as the others murmured replies before filing out the door. Thor already having collected his brother who was glaring off into the distance waited for them. Loki's mouth was thankfully covered. Steve felt Tony leaning heavily into his side as they moved back onto the streets.

"I guess we need to find a way to contact SHIELD." Natasha muttered as Clint kept an arm around her as they supported each other. "Find somewhere to crash."

Tony's eyes were drooping as he leaned heavily into Steve's side and the supersoldier tightened his grip on the billionaire. "My place. Plenty of rooms…" his words were slightly slurred with exhaustion as the group turned in the direction of Stark Tower. "Someone can lock him up somewhere." They eventually made it, leaning heavily into each other and laughing at very inappropriate things. Tony waved a hand in the direction of where they could bunk down for the night as Natasha and Clint stumbled into the nearest room with the door not even shutting behind them. Thor secured Loki as had been decided before he left with Bruce Banner slowly heading in the direction of a room for himself.

Steve stepped away from Tony who swayed slightly before shaking his head. "Let's go. Which one is yours?" he could feel mild affection taking hold for the drowsy man using him as support once again. Tony pointed even as he allowed Steve to take more of his weight before they began the slow process of finding Tony's room. Steve glanced sideways at his teammate and could not stop himself any longer, "I'm sorry for my words on the helicarrier."

The clouds that had been trying to move into Tony's head rapidly disappeared as he stopped moving and stared at Steve in complete surprise. "What?" thoughts were still trying to catch up it was obvious to Steve who could see the confusion in those brown eyes.

"When we were fighting. I'm sorry for what I said. You're a hero."

A rueful expression stole over Tony's face, "No I'm not." Steve opened his mouth to argue, but Tony moved forward, "I just wanted to make everything right. To clean up my mistakes and atone for them. I never sought this out, never thought to myself that I could be a hero."

Steve stared at him and didn't see Howard Stark's son. He saw Tony Stark the thirty four year old engineer whose brilliance could not be rivaled. Saw the self-doubt behind the arrogant mask and felt a sense of kinship. "You're a hero, Tony. Maybe not to yourself, but to others. Today you saved millions of lives without a thought. So I'm sorry for my words. I haven't been myself since SHIELD woke me up."

Tony looked off to the side, struggled internally before sighing, "Apology accepted. I'm sorry for what I said as well. I have read the reports and seen the footage; I know that everything special about you came before you were Captain America."

They began moving forward once more, "Oh? Was it Howard's?"

It was obvious in the slight flinch at Howard's name that something was off there, but Steve ignored it for Tony's sake. "Yeah." Steve pushed the door open, helped Tony further into the room before the man fell face first into the sheets clutching at a pillow. "There is a room to the right of this one that should work." It was muffled by the fact that Tony's face was buried into the pillow.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

* * *

Steve stared at the Tesseract with barely contained fury, but it was leaving Earth. No one here would get their hands on it again. Thor would make sure of that. He was also taking his brother back to Asgard. He stood there with his teammates as they watched Thor and Loki disappear along with that glowing cube. Steve watched as Bruce received some of his things even as he shook hands with Tony Stark. The other man had given him a Starkphone so he could keep in contact. Tony had explained the basics of how to call and answer so Steve figured he was good for now. Bruce was going back with Tony to Stark Tower where renovations were already being set in place while the two SHIELD agents were taking an extended leave of absence. Or at least that is what Steve had gathered. Glancing over at the bike Tony had lent him Steve slowly moved toward it as Stark drove away. There were a few places he needed to visit. The first being his parents' graves. Then he'd begin seeking out answers on his own. There was already a promise of help from Tony Stark when he was ready.

* * *

_With this story I was quite nervous as I have decided not to rely on humor so much as to fuel the story, but I want to go deeper into the characters (there will be humor...I can't not have humor in one of my stories so never fear). But I want to look at them as people, as individuals being thrust into the role of The Avengers. Especially Steve Rogers who was not given much time between being woken from the ice and fighting against Loki._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey Capsicle! You are beyond terrible about returning calls. I would think 'America's golden boy' would be far more prompt with these things. Has the phone been working for you? I was trying for something more user friendly for any level of tech user. So that means you have a Tony Stark file on your phone! Aren't you so lucky? I was trying to get Bruce to Hulk out to help me smash some of the stuff in the Tower for renovations, but all I received was this look. I'm sure you can guess what it was. I personally thought it was an excellent idea! Just imagine. The Hulk could be great for construction. Construction would be complete in half the time!_

Steve was torturing himself. Visiting graves, begging for forgiveness for not being there and trying to find some kind of connection to the world. He hated closing his eyes. Hated seeing people he could no longer touch, no longer speak to. Who were dead and buried. So very far beyond his reach that his stomach clenched at the thought. Voices filled his head at all waking hours and followed him into sleep that was anything but blissful.

Pain and sorrow were constantly fighting to destroy what sanity he still had a grasp on. Steve had thought he had hit his emotional low when he first lost Bucky, but that pain was still relatively fresh and was compounded by all so many new losses. Steve had not even had much time to mourn Bucky's death and it had occurred almost 70 years ago. But that wasn't very long ago for him; it was as though he was stuck in a sort of limbo. Caught in the middle of his past and the present. Tugged between the two and it was tearing at his resolve to push forward. All of that hidden strength he'd pulled to the surface for the battle with Loki was slipping from his grasp. The soldier, Captain America, was struggling to find new purpose. A new place in the world. He didn't have someone to fight. Nothing that Captain America was needed for and it was getting harder to snap out of the darker thoughts he'd been entertaining lately.

Blue eyes stared at the final gravesite of another one of his Howling Commandos who had been buried on the other side of the country. Steve's eyes burned, a sob threatened to escape and Captain America shoved it back down. Fought against the feeling. But this wasn't something he could throw his shield at. It wasn't something that Captain America could defeat. Carefully he stood up on unsteady legs and tried to make his head stop spinning. Why did everything hurt so horribly? Dark blue flowers stared back at him from the spot he'd placed them. Steve had never been in so many flower shops before in his life, but it was the best he could do at the moment. His parents' graves had clearly not been tended for decades. He'd spent hours there cleaning them up and covering both with a small flower shop worth of flowers.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and part of Steve wanted to throw it as far away as possible. To watch that little silver device disappear into the small forest located on the right side of the cemetery. Steve refrained. It had been a gift after all and the only physical connection he had to his teammates. Carefully he retrieved the phone and saw he had another new voicemail. Something that was quite commonplace. He was constantly missing their calls. Though at the same time he did not always feel like talking to anyone; Steve just wanted to complete this task he had set for himself without any help. But he had found that talking to them occasionally was better for his sanity. Sometimes he just needed to listen to their voices. Every message was memorized in his head and he often found himself thinking about their words.

"_Hey Steve. It's Bruce again. I'm getting more worried about Tony. He has been locked up in the workshop for two weeks now. JARVIS won't let me in and Tony isn't responding to me. I thought things might be getting better, but he is taking this break up very hard. Just thought I might let you know what is happening. Hope you're safe and everything is going smoothly for you. Drive safe."_ And the phone informed him there were no new messages. Did he want to listen to those he'd saved? All sixty of them? Steve thought about it, thought about going in to listen to the archived messages as Tony had spent an hour teaching him how to work certain functions of the Starkphone, but it was better to listen to them in another place. One where his past was not bleeding over into his present.

Steve almost wanted to call Bruce back and tell him that Tony was still calling him. Still in contact even if the messages he received were clearly from a Tony Stark in desperate need of sleep or food or comfort or anything other than the decided lack of human interaction he'd been experiencing. In need of something other than the bottle Steve knew Tony was attempting to drown himself in. But Steve was in no position to be preaching to someone about fighting their demons, about soldiering on when all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. To just lose it. To drown _himself_ in a bottle. But he couldn't. Damn supersoldier serum.

_Hey Steve. It's Bruce. I'm getting worried about you. You've been gone almost two months. You only send the occasional letter back and most of the time you don't return calls. Is everything alright? You don't need to be alone. No one should be alone, trust me I know. It isn't healthy. Just…call someone. Anyone if only to have another human to talk to for a few minutes. Call at any time…my phone is always on._

It _was_ almost two months since he'd left New York City. Left his teammates behind on his quest to visit his lost friends. To find knowledge about what had happened to them. To pay his respects. Two months of nightmares, of shivering uncontrollably and learning to force himself to sleep. He would wake gasping or shivering violently. On those nights Steve would read whatever he could get his hands on. A strong hope that he could gain understanding of the world. Though his focus was WWII. So many things he did not know about the War he'd fought in.

Steve found himself watching TV with a hope that he'd hear any news about one of his teammates. He missed most of their calls, but would always listen to the messages. Played them on repeat because their voices had rapidly become the only thing he recognized in this new world. Tony rambled about anything and everything. Some Steve could understand. Some he couldn't. Steve had gotten to the point where he could tell what Tony was honestly focused on and what he was just filling time up speaking about. Natasha called with updates and new information. She called with concern for Clint and suspicion of SHIELD. Occasionally he could hear Clint in the background speaking to him, but never a direct call from the archer.

_Hey Steve. It's Natasha. I'm not sure if I can trust SHIELD anymore. The way they're handling Clint's case is just…wrong. Corrupt. They're trying to blame him for the attack on the helicarrier when he was under Loki's control. I just…what can I even do? I've only been able to stick close to him so nothing happens. _

_Tasha…tell him about Coulson. _

_We don't know anything, Clint. Sorry about that, Cap. I'm doing a little digging into Phil Coulson's death. I find anything I will call you._

Bruce often called to share stories about experiments he was able to work on and Tony's unusual habits. He also called with worry about Tony. With worries focusing around Steve being alone.

The TV told him about the repairs in New York, about Tony funding the temporary housing for those who had lost where they lived until repairs were complete. Fortunately not many homes/apartments were destroyed as it was largely businesses who'd taken the bulk of the fight.

_Steve…its Natasha. We've been avoiding SHIELD since my last call to you. Stark is letting us stay at the Tower with Bruce. No word from Thor. There have been no attacks in New York since Loki. Just wanted to keep you up to date. Stark has holed himself up in his lab…he had been destroying several walls and tearing up the floor, but the repairs to his Tower are almost completely finished. Just a few things left. Maybe he found that calming or something._

There had even been news of Tony dissolving his relationship with Pepper Potts. There was wild speculation for why, but nothing honestly factual. Steve had dialed Tony's number when he heard the news and had proceeded to sit there listening while Tony rambled on. It was the first call he actually made back to his teammates. He had never been really good at dealing with these types of things. But Steve was beyond glad he'd called. Tony sounded very broken, lost and drunk. It had only been a month since he'd left at that point.

There was an influx of messages from Tony Stark after that one call. Many of them focused around Dummy and repairs to his Tower. A few were about files he had waiting for Steve when he returned. Not if. But when. Steve started to occasionally call Bruce and Natasha back instead of just sending written replies.

_Cap. The Tower no longer looks like there as a god vs. Hulk smack down. Completely renovated the top floors. Knocked out several walls, tore up the floor…Dummy shot me with the fire extinguisher. I think he just likes to shoot me with stuff…maybe Dummy and Jarvis have an agreement about disrupting my work? Bruce hasn't blown anything up in the lab…doesn't that mean he isn't doing something right? Shouldn't there be explosions in a lab? I cause explosions all the time…some of them on purpose… What is that person doing over there…? Weird. Oh. Sorry. Saw something. Now as I was saying…_

Bruce's reports had increased in concerns about Tony who more often than not locked himself in his workshop. Steve stopped at the local post office to mail some more of his letters. Sending them to Stark Tower always meant they were received by their intended recipients. Tony had ragged him about it, threatened to read them, but promised to send them to the correct addresses.

He climbed back on the bike and got back onto the road. There were several options for where he could drive next. That had been the last grave he was visiting…now his mind could just drift while he drove. Anywhere but somewhere haunted by his past would be preferable.

* * *

Steve was staring into Bucky's panicked eyes as the snow covered mountains blurred while they flew past them in that horrible train. He could hear his heart pounding, the blood rushing through his veins and the horrible feeling of certainty. He was about to lose Bucky. After everything he was going to fail. Captain America could not save the day. And Steve Rogers was helpless to do anything to save his friend. But he tried, stretched his arm out and called for his best friend. The bar gave way and Bucky was falling. Was gone. Swallowed up by the unforgiving white and sharp rocks. All that supersoldier strength and speed meant nothing. Bucky was lost.

His eyes burned, the breath was stolen from his lungs and everything slowed down. Steve was gasping and jerking before he flew up in bed. Sobs wracked his frame as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Whole body shaking with the released sobs. His knees pulled up to his chest and he couldn't stop it. Tried making himself as small as possible hoping that maybe that might help against the pain that was ripping his soul apart. All Steve wanted was to be that boy from Brooklyn who was being beaten up in alleyways and seeing his best friend showing up to lend a hand. To see Bucky laughing and smiling and flirting with any girl in the vicinity. Wanted to be the little guy again because then he'd have his friend back. Then he would be where he belonged instead of this bright and loud and chaotic world where nothing made sense and everything was so confusing. No one understood how very lost he was. A heartbreaking sob broke free and Steve could distantly feel the tears soaking into his night pants. He'd been doing so well, but that was the first crystal clear memory turned dream of Bucky's death since he'd been in the past.

Once it had been released it seemed impossible to stop and Captain America disappeared into little Steve Rogers who was so very lost. Who wanted nothing more than to be buried in that ice once more with no knowledge that the world had passed him by. That his friends and family were dead. Long gone.

Steve tried in vain to shove the emotions down. To stop his mind from all too easily supplying the sound of Bucky's screaming. Of replaying that horrible scene over and over again until it was burned into his mind in sharp colors. Nothing would ever rid him of that moment in his life. He wanted to lose himself in a bottle, drown his emotions and bury those images in an unmarked grave. Somewhere no one could find them and then he might be free. Might have a moment of peace because Steve was so very tired of waking up screaming. Of waking up crying and having problems breathing. Seeing those terrified eyes. Hearing Peggy's broken voice. Seeing white snow coming up to greet the HYDRA plane he was crashing. The icy chill creeping up and swallowing him whole. Tearing him from the world he loved and fought for and _needed_. Another face had joined the others. It had taken a week after the incident, but Steve could see Agent Phil Coulson all but bubbling over about meeting him. Meeting Captain America and having vintage cards of his hero. He'd failed. Steve knew what he had told Tony Stark, but it was a failure to him. An unnecessary loss of life, a life that should still be going forward.

He fought to regain control, but knew in his heart he had none. The world was so different, nothing was really the same and he needed something familiar. Something to cling to. Steve felt desperate and tried to curl himself into an even smaller ball. Shudders wracked his frame, tore at his heart and all he could see were the faces of everyone he'd failed. There were so very many of them. Then the unknown people he'd failed, who Captain America had not saved haunted him. He was gasping now, trying to stop the moans of pain from escaping. Trying to regain a normal level of breathing. His arms tightening around his legs.

The phone on his bedside table started to ring.

Carefully Steve reached over as he cleared his voice and tried to answer in as unaffected a tone as possible. "Hello?" and didn't that sound pathetic. The croak in his voice was as clear as day and Steve mentally berated himself. Was he a failure at everything?

"Capsicle?" Tony Stark's voice sounded in his ear. "I didn't wake you did I?"

Steve glanced at the clock. 3:46 a.m. Why was Tony awake this early in the morning? Was something wrong? Someone hurt? Steve Rogers could feel Captain America fighting for the surface and held back. Struggled to find a healthy balance between the two and wait for the information before reacting. "No."

"Great." There was a slightly manic quality to Tony's voice. The same one he got when he'd been awake for far too long and running on enough coffee for the whole team. "_Come home_."

Those two words caused Steve's breath to hitch in his throat and his eyes to burn. "My SHIELD issued apartment?" he questioned because wasn't that home now? Steve Rogers didn't own anything. He had what SHIELD had given him. Nothing more and nowhere that he fit. Steve didn't have a home anymore. It caused so much pain thinking about that fact that he clenched his jaw to suppress the sound from escaping his lips. Tony wouldn't be that callous as to do this intentionally. Steve knew that from the conversations he'd had with Tony and what the other man had done for complete strangers. That worry fell away.

"No. Avengers' Tower." Steve wondered if Tony even realized he'd clearly missed some details that would make that comment make any sense at all. Felt a laugh bubbling up. He needed this more than air. When had Tony Stark's voice and manner of speaking become so familiar? There was silence on the other end and before he could respond Tony plowed forward, "Are you alright?" Tony's voice was subdued and Steve felt the reluctant grin tug at his lips. The heaviness pressing down on his chest slowly began to vanish. Breathing rapidly became easier and he allowed his body to relax. Tony Stark and subdued did not belong in the same sentence unless it was: _Tony Stark had been subdued by insert your governmental agency of choice for insert some outlandish crime_.

"Yes. So what is Avengers' Tower?" he found himself leaning back against the headboard, legs stretching out as Tony began to ramble in his ear excitedly. Fondness overtook his other emotions and Bucky's terrified face faded into the cocky, sure expression he had often spotted on Bucky Barnes face over the years.

Tony's voice washed over him in a frenzy of excitement and Steve guessed that Tony's arms were more than likely gesturing wildly. In the short time he'd known him Steve had come to realize that Tony was always in motion. Getting him to sit still would be quite impossible. "You'll get your own quarters and I've designed a new gym. Heard about the damage you cause to the poor punching bags so I've created some re-enforced bags. We'll see what works best and make changes. Where are you?"

Steve paused at the sudden change in conversation before taking a deep breath, "Colorado." There was stunned silence on the other end.

"Why?" it was incredulous.

"I was just driving. Thinking." He responded honestly. Sometimes Tony made it easy to just share. Other times Steve wanted to scream in frustration or just start shaking Tony. Which ever worked best at the time.

"One moment." He could hear Tony speaking to someone before he returned to the line, "Alright I know where you are. I'll fly you back today. Just have your things packed and someone will escort you. No point in driving back from there. You've done enough thinking. We have a new jet that hasn't seen use yet."

"The bike?"

"We'll bring it. Chill Cap. There is room for everything you have managed to acquire. I swear."

"Alright Tony." He heard the acknowledgement, barely remembered saying goodbye before he was alone once more. The silence in the room was almost deafening. The light feeling that had taken up residence inside him began to fade slowly and his mind started drifting back to a place surrounded by white and cold.

He needed his mind away from the ice and the pain. Steve Rogers was once more in the present. There was no way he was going back to sleep now. Absolutely no way he was relinquishing the warmth he now possessed from that short conversation. Steve stood and headed towards the bathroom for a very hot shower. He stood under the spray just letting it beat down on him, smoothing down over his muscles and wrapping him in a loving embrace. Finally he reached for the soap.

Eventually he began picking up the few possessions he'd acquired and had just finished zipping the bag when a loud pounding startled him. His brow furrowed before he cautiously moved to the door and looked out the peephole. It was a surprisingly welcome sight that greeted him.

"Come on Steve! I know you're in there; the tracking device on your phone is telling me you're in there!" Tony Stark stood in torn jeans and another old band shirt. This one looked as though it might be favored for working down in Tony's workshop on various projects. A pair of what Steve _knew_ were very expensive sunglasses perched on his nose. Steve pulled the door open drawing Tony's attention and a wide, delighted grin that wasn't as bright as Steve knew it could be. It was tired at its edges.

Bruce had been right with his concern. The energy Tony was giving off was weighed down by fatigue that Steve could see in every single line of Tony's body. The slight slump of Tony's shoulders, the barely noticeable swaying on his feet and the muted expressions. If he removed his sunglasses Steve would bet his shield that there were dark circles underneath and less life in Tony's typically mischievous eyes than had been there last time.

"Have you even slept?" he found himself blurting out in question without much planning. Internally Steve winced as Tony stared at him with a considering frown. A hand moved up through Tony's hair as the smaller man fidgeted. Hands an unsteady flutter as they moved back to his side. Tony's chin tipped in slight defiance and the little guy from Brooklyn found himself understanding that stubbornness to push forward no matter what.

"Have you?" it was challenging and Steve gave it to him. Tony was just as stubborn as Steve was. But at least one of them should be getting sleep. It was easy to see Howard Stark in his son. The genius and flirty nature was very familiar for Steve. But he had never seen Howard let himself get into such a state. Though maybe that happened when Steve wasn't around. Without meaning to his mind flashed back to the snow and ice. Was Tony's stuck on repeat the same as his seemed to be? Was Tony reliving that flight with the nuke? Loki throwing him from the window? Maybe his kidnapping by the terrorists? Or was it Pepper Potts that haunted Tony's mind? Prevented him from sleeping?

"I slept last night."

It was the truth. Not a lie. Steve just didn't sleep very much and what sleep he'd actually had was tainted with nightmares and horrible memories. Tony did not need to know that. He really didn't because Steve could get through this. He wouldn't burden someone else with his problems. Not if he could help it.

"Everything packed?" Tony shifted on his feet, moving his center of balance to remain standing in a steady pose and probably to hide the fact that he was about to collapse. Steve knew the signs of fatigue. Had seen them during the War.

"Yes." He stepped back into his room with Tony following at a sedate pace. The genius looked around the room before turning to watch him. Steve raised an eyebrow as Tony beckoned him to follow.

"Let's get you checked out, Cap. Then we have a plane waiting for us."

"I thought you were going to have someone escort me."

Tony glanced sideways at him as they neared the elevator, "I can't escort you? Would you have preferred someone else?" it was both teasing and serious. Steve could tell quite easily by the tone and the tensing in the shoulders.

"No. I just wasn't expecting you."

"Oh." They stayed in relative silence while Steve checked out, through the drive to the plane and even boarding. The whole time Steve was watching Tony. The way he moved, his expressions, movements and taking in all that information as further evidence that he was correct. Tony Stark had not been sleeping. Again.

No one was in the plane except for whoever was flying them, Tony and Steve. At least from what Steve gathered. It seemed unusual. Steve glanced around at the inside of the plane and found himself migrating towards the couch. Tony apparently was of the same mind as he stopped to stare at Steve before shrugging and taking a seat anyway. It only took twenty minutes before the genius was slumping sideways into Steve's side and using the soldier as a pillow.

Steve blinked in surprise before relaxing into the couch. Who had a couch in a plane? He just wanted to close his eyes for a second. Just one. Blissful nothingness awaited him. Steve's body gratefully slipped into sleep and stayed far away from snow and ice and Bucky. Stayed wrapped in warmth and comfort and the present.

All too soon he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Reflexes had his hand snapping out to wrap around the wrist of the unknown person. His body snapped alert as he took in the possible threat. A red headed woman in a suit stared into his eyes with a look of shocked surprise. She didn't move, did not appear to have any intentions of harming either Tony or himself. Maybe she was a Stark employee? Or the pilot. Steve felt his cheeks heat up and slowly released her. The woman's eyes flicked from his to his side and Steve followed her line of sight to see Tony's legs pulled up onto the couch as he continued to lean into Steve's side as he slept.

Then those inquisitive eyes were back on him and Steve stared back. "I'm sorry for startling you. I had received word that the jet had returned and I had plans to fly to Malibu to deal with an issue for the company." She explained somewhat rapid-fire. But the tone was crisp and confidant. "Tony doesn't normally fall asleep around…people." She trailed off as though uncertain of how best to explain. "I just…I was shocked and didn't think. I should know better than to wake someone I don't even know. No one had informed me that Tony was taking the jet."

Steve offered a small smile so as to calm the woman who was getting slightly flustered, "That's ok. I'm just not used to someone waking me up."

"Oh." A short smile as she straightened to her full height. Steve pegged her at slightly taller than Tony. "Pepper Potts."

Ah. The woman who had more than likely put Tony into the horrible state Bruce had seen fit to tell Steve about. But he didn't know the whole story and judging someone wasn't right. "Steve Rogers."

There it was. Startled surprise and then understanding. "Captain America." It was said with a slight bit of awe and Steve internally winced. He still wasn't used to that. No matter how many people he ran into. It was flattering and disquieting all in one. Even when he had been selling war bonds the reactions of various people had still surprised him.

"Yes."

A man's head poked into the plane and looked around before landing on them. Steve vaguely recognized him as someone in Tony's employ. Someone he'd seen in the news with Tony. "Pepper! I just wanted to see if Tony needed a lift back to the Tower. I've already collected all the bags."

She glanced back at Steve, "Do you need a lift?" she questioned.

"I can ride my bike. Tony I'm sure needs one."

Pepper's brow furrowed, "Are you sure? You look tired and driving while in such a state is not safe. I have seen Tony do more than his fair share of stupid stunts and driving while in such a condition would be classified as somewhat…stupid." There was a slight lack of tact. Steve wasn't surprised that Tony would hire let alone date someone with such a personality trait. Though more than likely it was exposure to Tony Stark himself that had created such a quirk.

"How else am I going to get it back?"

Happy moved away from the doorway to wave someone over, "Hey Cap. I would be more than happy to get your bike home." Natasha was grinning at him now.

Tony mumbled something in his sleep and burrowed further into Steve's side. A frown tugged at his features. Clearly he did not like people talking around him. Especially when asleep.

"Such a cuddle monster." Pepper muttered to herself as Natasha snorted from the doorway.

Steve felt Tony moving again as the other man slowly sat up, hair wild from sleep and eyes unfocused. The brown eyes glanced around the plane accusingly before landing on Pepper. He could feel the tension in Tony's body increase rapidly, but it was the only sign of anything different. "Does no one understand the sanctity of sleep?" then those eyes were staring at him. "And you! What kind of pillow are you? Talking and moving and not staying still! Those are not good qualities to have in a pillow."

"Because everyone should be a good pillow around you, right?" Natasha grinned as she stepped into the plane and walked towards them. "Keys, Cap. You both are taking the car and then going to bed."

He could feel his cheeks heating up and the grin on Natasha's face was pure amusement.

"Bed. Yes. Excellent plan. Sheets and warmth and pillows that don't move or talk." Tony was slowly moving to his feet, movements greatly slowed down even as his busy mind fought to drag itself from slumber into the waking world. Steve could see all of this and wondered if Tony knew how expressive his face was? How expressive his eyes were? It was easy for an artist to notice because those were things that made for a fascinating subject to draw. Steve's hands itched for a pencil and some paper…he'd rarely indulged in one of his favorite hobbies.

When Tony started leaning to the side Steve moved to stop him. Steve reluctantly handed his keys over to Natasha who turned on her heel and left them. Pepper continued to stare at them as Steve allowed Tony to lean slightly into him. It was painfully obvious that Tony was still half asleep as those eyes drooped. Who knows how long he'd been up to get into such a state?

"Why was Natasha with you?" he asked Happy as the other man held open the door to the car.

Happy looked back at the plane where Pepper was located before looking back at him. Tony was safely inside the car. "She has been worried about Tony. The boss has been in the workshop for weeks."

"Thanks." He muttered before climbing in after Tony who was leaning against the other side, eyes already closed.

* * *

Steve didn't go to sleep when he got to Avengers' Tower. He did put his things in his room, noticed that he had a closet full of clothing that he had never seen before in his life and saw the drawing table near the windows that held so many different supplies for someone who had a passion for drawing. His shield was propped against the wall and the Captain America suit had been repaired. With some changes if the feel of the fabric was anything to go by.

He opened one of the other doors in the room to find that it led to a huge bathroom done in earth tones with plush rugs on the floor, equally soft towels in the closet and surprisingly tasteful decorations. The next door led to another room. It had another desk only this one held a sleek laptop and what he'd been told was a tablet. One the wall was a rather impressive TV. Each device was sleek and new and foreign. He had no idea how to operate any of them. Steve ran a hand over the smooth surface of the couch in the room as he looked around. He walked back into the bedroom. Cautiously he approached the wall to look at some of the pictures hanging. It was Brooklyn as he remembered it. Another image revealed a group of laughing men and one very happy Captain in the center. The Howling Commandos. Brought to life in the picture. Another image showed a smaller Steve in his military uniform.

Tears filled his eyes as he reached out to touch the picture on the wall. The one of New York before it had been changed by time and innovation. Such a familiar and yet now foreign picture. He'd been so worried that he would forget. That those memories would fade or be tainted with pain and loss. But here they were, immortalized on the wall in simple picture frames.

Now his eyes were scanning the room and noting things he'd missed before. An older styled alarm clock rested on the bedside table. A framed poster on the wall displayed a poster from a movie he had managed to watch in the 30s. Little things in the room screamed 1930s and 1940s. Familiar things. Pieces from a time he'd thought were long lost. They were mixed with modern items as well. A blend of past and present, but it was a surprisingly comfortable blend.

A bookshelf stood in the room and Steve crossed to look at the titles. They covered every topic he could imagine. Books from the War, history books that covered times he'd missed, books on science, technology, the arts, and books about so many different topics Steve wondered if it was possible to read through all of them. There was another small device sitting on the shelf with a note.

_Couldn't fit everything into one bookcase. This lovely device holds hundreds more. Don't worry Capsicle. I'll teach you how to deal with all of the new technology. Can't abandon you, can I?_

It was unsigned, but there was no need. Tony Stark had _known_ what he needed. Had given him some of both worlds and pieces of Steve's past he'd thought were long lost. How Tony had come across those pictures…_Howard_. Tony had gotten them because of Howard. That had to be it.

Steve set the device back down and left the room. He headed in the direction that Tony had indicated the gym was. Curious to see what kind of gym Tony would build. It took him awhile to find his way there and it was not because he was too stubborn to ask for directions because Steve could admit when he was lost. It was just better to learn something through trial and error than to have everything handed to you.

There was a ring in the gym. A boxing ring. Punching bags. A mat. Weights. An area clearly marked as a practice range which was in its own separate room attached to the main gym. Steve also noted a stimulation course or at least that was what the new note he found indicated. It appeared as though Tony figured he would need little hints. The note also offered to teach Steve how to operate it himself so he could add another level to his training should he desire.

Slowly Steve took stock of the equipment, the various doors and the punching bags Tony had mentioned. Everything was clearly well planned and executed. Steve finally moved out of the room and found his way back to the main part of the living quarters. His stomach was growling and Steve needed food. He also needed to thank Tony, but part of him was hoping that Tony had honestly sought out his bed after he'd shown Steve where his rooms were.

But there Tony was, a coffee cup in front of him, typing away on a small device that Steve sort of recognized. Slightly focused eyes looked up and regarded him before returning to their current task. "Everything ok, Cap?" he questioned offhandedly.

"Thank you." It was sincere and heartfelt because Tony had clearly thought of Steve Rogers when he'd designed that room. "I never thought I would see them again."

Now Tony pulled his attention away from the tablet to focus on Steve. "I thought you might like them." It was simple and to the point. Tony had simply chosen them because he thought Steve might like them. There was nothing more to it. No hidden agenda or falsities. There was nothing fake about them like that horrible SHIELD room he'd woken in. They were very real and his. No strings attached.

"Thank you." Would he keep saying that? Steve watched as a small smile took over Tony's tired features before the genius reached for his coffee cup to take a huge drink.

"Tomorrow we can get started on going over some of the tech I left in your room. I hope you don't mind being a guinea pig. Thinking about it I figured that if something could survive you then it is more likely to survive almost anything. Thor ever comes back and I'll be using him as a guinea pig as well. Plus I'm trying to create user friendly devices so if you can figure them out and operate them successfully then I know I'm close." The tired smile turned mischievous and Steve offered a grin in return. This sleep deprived Tony wasn't too bad and was a far cry from the combative one on the helicarrier, but he would rather a healthy and alert snarky Tony Stark than one weighed down.

"Guinea pig?"

Tony drained the mug in front of him before moving to refill. Steve watched him moving about the kitchen in a state of half awareness, trying not to laugh when Tony bumped into the island on his way back to his seat. A confused expression on Tony's face until he realized what he had hit and then shrugged it off.

"Test subject. Experiment. Trial by fire. Tester. Someone who tests products before they are commercially available." Tony finally found his seat, cradling his mug as though something precious, as he stared at Steve. "Why are you not sleeping? I thought you were going to your room to sleep and that you would be there at least until tomorrow so I would have a chance to—"

"I'm pretty sure you need sleep. Or food."

Without much thought Tony lifted the mug in his hands, "Food." He explained.

"That isn't food."

Tony stared at him and then back to the coffee in front of him with a furrowed brow. "This is going to be very interesting. I've collected four people now…"

But Steve just buried his head in the fridge as he looked for something for them to eat. He was going to feed them and then force Tony to actually sleep. It would make him feel better. Something to do. He didn't have to listen to reports about Tony's self-destructive tendencies. Clint wandered into the kitchen and gave him a small salute before staring at the fridge hopefully. Steve was going to need to grab more food. This was good…something to distract him from those horrible memories. A reason to stay grounded in the present. He could fit in here with his teammates. Tony regarded the food with suspicion even as Clint stared at it with complete interest.

Steve felt no remorse for using this as an excuse to postpone sleeping. He just wasn't ready for those emotions again. At least in the waking world he was now surrounded by his teammates and he had something to focus on. Something to give him purpose and maybe this might be home…eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been several weeks since he had settled into Avengers' Tower. Since Steve had been given somewhere that he could belong. A place he could live and get to know his teammates. To form a bond similar to the one he'd formed with his Howling Commandos. It wasn't the same, but it wasn't completely foreign either. A happy medium that was slowly helping him to form connections to the present instead of being dragged back to his past that kept calling for him during his waking hours; the past that screamed for him in his sleep and had him gasping for breath when he finally managed to escape the horrors his mind supplied him with. Peaceful sleep continued to elude him. Maybe a few hours or so before he was awake, gasping for air and trying to ground himself in the present. To drag his mind back to Avengers' Tower instead of Europe, battlefields, the HYDRA plane, the horrible ice or Bucky's panicked eyes. From that room in Brooklyn where he first became Captain America and he watched the life leave the eyes of a good, honest man.

Steve would wander the living quarters of the Tower, go to the gym or look over some of the books Tony had given him. A few of those nights he had wandered down into Tony's workshop and just relaxed on the couch listening to Tony talking with his bots, the sounds of creation and destruction keeping him far from nightmares. He'd gotten into a pattern that sometimes included him exploring one of the tech devices that Tony was teaching him about and on those nights he was in the workshop he could ask questions. Tonight was no different as he panted and buried his face into one of the many pillows on his bed. Slowly he regarded the clock. Only two hours of sleep. The supersoldier serum could only do so much and his whole body felt as though it was weighted by lead. He needed to actually rest his body, rest his mind and Steve had not had uninterrupted sleep since the plane back with Tony Stark. Maybe the presence of someone else helped?

Carefully he got to his feet and moved out of his room. It felt as though he was dragging, pulling himself along and fighting against that horrible feeling of heaviness. Noises from the sitting room drew his attention and Steve found himself moving towards the sound. Tony was on the couch, jerking in his sleep as gasps escaped from between his lips. A hand curled tightly into one of the pillows as he moved violently again. Murmurs escaped Tony's lips. Words too soft for even Steve's enhanced hearing to pick up. Tony was having a nightmare. On the table next to him were a gutted coffee machine and various tools and wires and things Steve did not quite recognize. Everything was scattered with no obvious organizing. It was typical Tony.

For Steve it was impossible to walk away. He'd seen similar reactions in some of his fellow soldiers and knew that from an outside perspective that he probably looked much the same when trapped in one of his own nightmares. Knew more often than not most did not want to talk about it, but no one wanted to stay trapped in their nightmares. Steve moved towards the couch and sat down next to Tony near the pillow the other man had his head resting on.

"JARVIS?" he asked lowly as the AI's voice came from beside him. It was slightly startling and at the same time filled him with that same awe he'd felt the first time Tony had introduced him to JARVIS. An honest Artificial Intelligence. Tony represented all the fantastical things he'd imagined the future might hold; then the man went and exceeded those expectations when he showed him another device Steve had not interacted with yet that Tony himself had created. Though the Iron Man suit might be his favorite piece of new technology. He did not plan on letting that little bit of information slip especially after those words on the helicarrier. Steve still felt a bit of guilt.

"Captain?" the smooth British tones made him think briefly of Peggy and pain seemed to flare up from his very soul trying to destroy what calm he'd managed borrow for the moment. It was shoved down and pushed to the side because Tony was present now, not Peggy Carter. Steve was compelled to step up and help it came to someone in need. There was an ever present drive to protect and defend.

"Can you put something on the TV at low volume?" the room was filled with the low sounds of a movie Steve did not recognize, but he didn't recognize a lot of things lately so it wasn't unusual. "Thank you." Steve leaned back in the couch. He debated shaking Tony, waking the other man up because he knew what it was like to be trapped in a nightmare. To scream for help but no one could hear you. The pain and the fear and the sharp emotions you couldn't escape. Nightmares that seemed to attack your very soul. Steve stared at Tony and the arc reactor glowing in the darkened room; he was still visibly struggling with a nightmare of his own. Cautiously Steve reached out a hand and rested it on Tony's shoulder, giving a soft and reassuring squeeze. Let his hand rest there and could feel the warmth coming from Tony before he turned his attention back to the screen. JARVIS had turned on a cartoon that appeared to have a little robot in it. Possibly something Disney. Clint had told him a little bit about those movies, but they had yet to venture too far into the realm of movies. Steve closed his eyes, allowed the sounds of the room to fill his senses and noted Tony had settled back down under his hand.

He dropped off into a fitful sleep, body going lax and mind blissfully unaware of the inner turmoil he often was plagued by in his dreams.

The first thing he registered was the smell of bacon, coffee and eggs. So simple. His stomach growled and Steve made a move to get up from the couch only to realize that Tony had managed to burrow up into his side once more. Maybe Pepper Potts had been right. Tony might very well be a 'cuddle monster'. Steve sighed and carefully lifted Tony's head up as he moved out from under the genius. Slowly he lowered him back onto the couch, idly noting the blanket that had pooled at his feet as well as the one draped on Tony. He did not remember either of them from last night. Slowly Steve made his way towards the delicious smells.

Natasha Romanov was cooking breakfast. Steve blinked in surprise before taking a seat at the island. She glanced over her shoulder at him, a small smile and a hint of mischief in her eyes, before returning to the stove. "I've not slept on the couch yet, but it looks comfy." He could hear the amusement in her voice and put his head down on his arms.

"You were the one with the covers." It was soft and slightly muffled by his arms. But the lack of sleep that had been weighing him down was gone and a delicious feeling of relaxation kept his mind in a slightly hazy state of satisfaction. It was refreshing and nice. The embarrassment from being caught dozing on the couch was ignored. "Thanks."

She moved about turning the bacon and mixing in some seasoning for the eggs. The coffee pot beeped signaling a fresh pot complete and Tony Stark stumbled into the room making a beeline for the source of his favorite aroma.

"I happened by on my way towards my room from the gym. Truthfully I was surprised _he_," her head tipped in Tony's direction as he gulped down his first cup. "was actually sleeping. Typically Stark loves to hole up in the workshop, cause mayhem in other countries or tries to single handedly drive others insane or into homicidal rage. He avoids sleep like the plague. But it looked like you had fallen asleep during a movie so I figured it wouldn't hurt to leave a couple blankets for you." She shrugged and turned her focus back to cooking.

"I object to such blasphemous lies about my person!" Tony wandered over towards the island with his third cup, a playful smile on his features as he poked at Steve. "Are you not an American Icon who should defend me?"

Steve turned his head slightly to stare at Tony who looked better rested than he'd ever seen the other man since gaining his acquaintance. Brown eyes were alert and sparked with humor. "I don't recall that being in the job description. I'm sure I would have remembered."

"A joke! He made a joke!" Tony crowed and took another drink before he finally set the coffee cup down. "It is officially part of your job description. Defense of Tony Stark's character and person. Congratulations, Cap. You're now a Stark employee." He winked.

"That is a full time job; he wouldn't have time to be an Avenger much less relax for a moment. You keep people on their toes." Natasha grinned as she finished cooking. "I'm not serving either of you. You want food then you'll have to get some yourselves."

Tony glanced over at the stove and shrugged. He rarely ate breakfast anyway and he had coffee. Steve noted the dismissal and sighed to himself. He removed himself from the chair and once he arrived at the stove began making two plates. When he placed Tony's down in front of him the other man eyed it with suspicion and slight distaste.

"What's this? I do not recall being a breakfast person. Unless this is your second plate and you're just setting it here in front of me for no apparent reason other than to—" the long string of words was cut off when Steve pushed the plate closer to Tony before turning his attention to his own.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eat." And Steve Rogers took his own advice slowly working through the large plate of food in front of him.

Natasha snickered before she continued with her own meal watching Tony's reactions out of the corner of her eye. This happened fairly often whenever Tony was actually near the kitchen during a meal. She'd heard about Steve's stubborn streak and knew first hand of Tony's, but seeing them in action was very amusing since Stark more often than not gave in. Steve would have been extremely helpful during Tony's very self-destructive phase. Why had he not been found sooner?

It was a happy day when Tony chose to be mature about the situation instead of being petulant or difficult. Slowly Tony reached for a fork and moved some of the eggs around on his plate while looking them over with a critical eye. Finally he started eating. Slowly and with exaggerated hunger that was causing Steve to grin into his own breakfast.

Rogers 29. Stark 3.

A particularly dirty moan escaped Tony as he had his eyes roll back into his head. He removed the fork from his mouth with exaggerated slowness as he eyed Steve. Steve choked and then his face turned red as he scowled at Tony who was smirking back.

Rogers 29. Stark 5.

Natasha's eyes took in the rested face of Steve Rogers and she nodded to herself with satisfaction. There were far too many people already living in this Tower who didn't sleep at normal hours or for very long. She'd heard him in the gym early in the morning, destroying punching bags or just working-out far too often for Steve to have only been living in the Tower for two weeks. Natasha often asked JARVIS the location of her teammates only to find he was down in Tony's workshop and not sleeping. Or he was wandering the Tower. Not sleeping. She had little room to talk, but at least she slept far more normal hours. It was someone she prided herself on. Actually maintaining a somewhat normal sleeping schedule when she actually wanted to sleep.

"Coffee is the most important meal of the day." It was muttered in the silence of the kitchen and Natasha caught Steve grinning into his own meal while Tony began destroying the bacon. It had never stood a chance.

"Coffee is not a meal." Steve raised an eyebrow when Tony narrowed his eyes, stabbing his fork in Steve's direction in what might have seemed threatening if there wasn't a pillow crease on his cheek and if Tony's hair wasn't sticking up in every single direction imaginable.

"In my happy little world coffee and technology are some of the only things that matter. Trust me. I'm a genius. Coffee is food. Technology is superior." Tony polished off the last of his breakfast and downed his coffee before fully turning his attention to Steve, "Today we are moving away from _learning_ and moving on to fixing your suit. I examined the materials they were using for it and I'm not impressed. Could design something far stronger in my sleep." The last bit was muttered. "So we'll do some more thorough measurements in the workshop and I've got some materials you can test."

"Are you sticking with the current design or are you planning on changing it?" Steve was beyond curious especially since Tony's father had worked with the original Captain America uniform. Then SHIELD had made obvious changes. A far tighter suit he'd noted.

Tony's brow furrowed, "It isn't my suit. Do you want it changed?" he regarded Steve, "I just noted that the material SHIELD used isn't worth a damn thing. It should have withstood a greater assault. You may be a supersoldier, but you're human and need protection as well. Maybe SHIELD is trying to kill you off? Who knows?"

"Stark has already deconstructed our suits. Sometimes it is better to just give in on such things."

"See! Intelligence." Tony hopped out of his seat and was already moving to drag Steve towards his workshop. "I want a look at your shield as well."

Steve allowed Tony to start toting him from the room, eyes taking in the excited movements of the other's free hand as he began talking in what might as well have been a foreign language. He wasn't stupid by any means, but when Tony went into technical terms coupled with technology Steve had never heard of he was a hopeless case. It only pushed him further into wanting to read through the books Tony had supplied him with. He valued knowledge especially as it could be the only thing standing between him and death or saving someone.

"Are you going to damage it?" it was a joke because so far nothing had caused much damage to his shield, but this was Tony Stark and Steve had seen him do some seemingly impossible things in the short period of time he'd known him. Had seen a lot of seemingly impossible things in this time now that he thought about it.

"Is that a challenge?" it was joking and Tony's eyes were smirking at him. These were moments he was quickly finding familiar.

Natasha curled up in a chair wearing night pants and reading a book.

Clint stealing food from his plate or seeing the man sitting on the back of the couch.

Bruce in his lab coat, glasses askew with an apologetic smile on his face.

Tony covered in engine oil or with a manic gleam in his eyes surrounded by what could only be described as chaos.

Steve just shook his head slightly and allowed himself to be dragged down into Tony's world because that was the best description for that place. He had been down there several times, but he had not allowed himself to openly gawk or take in _everything_. Mostly it was a distraction from nightmares and because with Tony talking nonstop it was impossible to be sucked back into dreams of ice and fire and explosions and _pain_. Howard Stark from his time would have never left this place even on threat of death. Tony's workshop came close to some of his imaginings of the future. The holograms, the robots, Tony's Iron Man suits, the gadgets, the touchscreen keypad, robotic arms and just everything in the room. Tony didn't pause in his stride; the man was in his element and it was undeniable. A king in his own court and Steve was an outsider who'd stumbled into his land without a clue.

"Come on Spangles. If you would step right here," Tony pointed to a spot that Steve could see no distinguishing marks and dutifully followed the directions. He stood there as Tony moved him into the position he wanted and then the place came alive with a flick of Tony's hand. Just a quick command. It was as though magic had brought everything to life, a signal had been given and the slight stillness of the room vanished to be replaced by movement. Light. Sound.

The holograms wrapped around his body, tracing every muscle and shape before Tony was flicking the replica away. Four feet from Steve stood a hologram version of himself down to the last detail. He couldn't help but stare in awe and reached out without thinking. The image spun at his movements and Tony stood back watching Steve familiarize himself with holograms. Something he utilized every day, but he had yet to _teach_ the supersoldier about.

"They are very useful." He finally spoke and watched as Steve jerked back from the manipulation of his own holo. A guilty expression stole over the soldier's face as his hand clenched in the air; the hesitation evident in his every feature as it was obvious to Tony that Steve really wanted to touch the holo once more. "You're ok. If you alter something JARVIS already has the data filed away. Feel free to distort yourself as you see fit."

"Oh." Steve glanced back at it, hand reaching out and moving it back into place, "I'm just…amazed. Technology like this was fantasy, not even in someone's wildest dreams could these advances even be contemplated back in my time." A wiry grin stole over his features as he began moving the hologram once more. Interest and question in his features as Steve learned through interaction. "I remember seeing your father showing off a flying car. It hovered for a little bit before shorting out and falling back down. That was one of the most amazing advancements I had seen up to that point. This is beyond that. So very beyond that."

A slightly amused smile tugged at Tony's lips, mostly at the thought of his father struggling with something as simple as a hovering car. The sting that usually came with a mention of his father was muted with the amusing anecdote. It might also be because Steve was actually sharing something from his past and the soldier had not gone into detail about that yet. There were little pieces of Steve's past, of what he had left behind, but nothing solidly concrete to this point.

"It is a step up from hovering cars I suppose." It was offhanded as Tony cast his eyes around his workshop checking where his bots were and over his various projects.

"Did you create this or was it from someone else?" it wasn't an insult, but genuine curiosity and now a bot was moving toward Steve. It had what appeared to be an arm with a camera attached. Steve watched as it tugged on Tony's shirt and as the genius moved his hands down the bot's struts with a fond smile. The bot seemed to almost preen at the attention and Steve felt amusement stir. It was the bot most often around Tony when he ventured down here in the middle of the night. Steve was very sure this creation was called _Dummy_.

"I wrote the code, created the programs and improved them over the years. When I'm doing work down here, creating or improving I'm not going to work with equipment I can't trust. If it isn't Stark made then I can't guarantee it. I created all of it." before Steve could open his mouth Tony was already plowing forward, "And that is not my ego talking. That is fact. If you even think about bringing HammerTech into this Tower I will flip the fuck out on you. Fair warning. If you can't find it made by Stark Industries tell me and I'll _make_ you one. Everything will be stopped and whatever you are missing will be created. I'm still working on moving away from weapons manufacture so I haven't completely expanded into all the markets for technology, but I am well on my way. Mostly focusing on clean energy now, but I am involved in many areas."

"HammerTech?" Steve tried to recall the name and if he should be familiar with it. The level of contempt on Tony's face and in his voice gave him most of his answers already.

Tony shuddered, "That man is a failure as an engineer; a crime against technology and robotics _everywhere_. Fortunately he was arrested and is rotting in prison." The last sentence was said with a certain type of glee that Steve was not sure someone should feel when a competitor was arrested. There was a story there and Steve figured he'd eventually unearth whatever it was. Something told him it would be interesting and possibly frustrating at the same time.

"Ok." Steve was just going to leave it at that. Howard had been much the same in that Stark-made was the best on the market and if he found something that was better than his technology he'd work his damnedest to learn from it so he could advance himself. HYDRA had supplied several innovations that Howard had spent countless days working through and learning and trying to improve upon.

"Great. Let's test out materials for your suit. Now where did I leave that flamethrower?"

A slight sinking feeling settled in the pit of Steve's stomach. _Flamethrower_?

* * *

Steve's whole body was shaking and he was gasping for air, fingers digging into the pillows and mind feeling as if it was frozen over. Buried in the ice and he was freezing, his hands moved up and down his arms trying to bring some kind of feeling to them. Trying to warm up. To thaw the ice that was wrapped around his soul and stealing his breath and his peaceful dreams and rapidly stealing his sanity. The soldier was fighting tooth and nail to come back to the present. To leave the ice. To find warmth and safety. Something comfortingly familiar.

He shoved the covers back and was moving from his room, looking for something to distract himself with and to escape the ice. In his rational mind he _knew_ he was far from the wreckage of the HYDRA plane, far from the ice and the bitter winds. From the tomb he'd been incased in for almost seven decades. Maybe Tony was in the workshop? He would go down there and possibly have some new piece of technology shoved into his hands. Given something to distract him and keep him from the nightmares. Tony always had something lying around that Steve had no clue about. Something he could test the durability of or to see if various user interfaces for numerous tech devices were user friendly. Things Tony was working on that had not gone into the testing phase yet.

One time Steve had spent three hours actually working to break various things Tony was working with.

This time, however, he could see the light coming from the sitting room and moved towards it wondering if it was Tony once more passed out on the couch instead of working downstairs. "JARVIS? Is Tony still up?" he questioned because he preferred to have some semblance of an idea for what was happening. It was always good to know where that man was at any given time.

"Mr. Stark is still working in his workshop. Do you wish to speak with him?"

"No." then that left only three other options and Steve was once more in motion. It was something to distract his mind from the ice and chill. To keep himself awake. If all else failed he could still go watch Tony work.

Sitting there staring at the TV with a rather blank expression was Clint Barton. The archer looked lost and haunted. Steve knew he had not been having an easy time with SHIELD trying to use him as a scapegoat for the attacks in Germany and for so many other things. It was unfair and unethical. Steve had not had much contact with SHIELD since he left New York originally after the battle and part of him was glad for that. Another part wanted to see if they were still trying to create those weapons with the information they still had on their computers about the Tesseract.

"Clint?" he noted a slight twitch from his teammate as the other man turned his head slightly to acknowledge him. His eyes were dull, but still rather alert. An interesting contradiction.

"Captain." It was quiet and somewhat distant. The archer's hands flexed and relaxed briefly.

"Can't sleep?" Steve was already dropping down onto the couch near Clint in the armchair. His hands fiddled idly with the band he wore around his wrist. Something he'd picked up on his little cross-country trip and Steve honestly didn't know why he kept playing with it. Maybe because it was something to do with his hands. Steve was used to constantly moving, to not staying in one place and having somewhere to call _home_.

Clint seemed to notice the nervous tick as his eyes darted down to Steve's fingers, taking in the band before glancing upwards. "What is that one for?" he sounded mildly curious which at this point was a relief for Steve. He hated seeing someone looking so depressed. As depressed as he felt on the inside where he wanted to keep it. To hide it. His teammates did not need his burdens on top of their own. The inner protector in Steve always came to the front to shield others and he'd noted that in a way that part of him was trying to shield him from himself.

It wasn't working very well.

Steve's fingers stilled as he stared down at the words on the band. "Children's Miracle Network." He moved the band slightly, tracing idly over the letters and remembering the woman asking about a donation for the cause. Truthfully he couldn't think of a better way to spend money and had not removed the band since. Wanted to see how much money he had in his account and possibly make a bigger donation. Something to ask Tony about. The man had several causes he donated to regularly from what Steve had gathered.

"Good cause." Clint nodded and looked back at the TV. There was nothing special on and to Steve it looked as though Clint just had it on for something to stare at. A background noise to cover up the silence.

"What's wrong?" Steve wanted to focus on something other than his problems, his nightmares and ice. He wanted to help, wanted to fix whatever it was that was hurting the other man and if it kept him from sleep the better. Anything to help and keep from sleeping. Anything.

"What makes you think something is wrong?" it was an obvious dodge to the question, not very subtle and Steve knew the other man had it in him to provide a better diversionary tactic. Maybe Clint _wanted_ to speak about it, but saw it as a weakness.

He leaned back in the couch, pulled his legs up onto the cushions and kept his gaze focused on his teammate. "No one sits in the dark this early in the morning with that look on their face unless something is wrong. Is it Natasha? Are you having problems? SHIELD?" he ventured. If it was the first he had no honest advice. Steve had no real experience with women and when it came to relationships of any kind he had stories that his fellow soldiers had told.

Tales of conquests and meetings in dark corners. Of wandering hands and lips. Of needing to feel a physical connection in any way. Men or women during war it did not seem to matter. Steve had kept to himself. Focused on his missions and kept his eye on the final goal after the war was won. He had nothing to personally draw from and part of him was worried Clint would have a relationship problem.

"No. It isn't Tasha. Though I wish she would quit sticking her neck out for me. They have nothing. Stark is very adamant about that. Any excuse to go toe to toe with Fury I suppose." An amused smirk twisted Clint's features briefly before smoothing away once more, "It's Coulson." He stared down at his hands which were clenching. Knuckles white.

Steve blinked in surprise before remembering the messages he'd listened to from the two assassins. Mentions of Coulson and SHIELD and worries. "What about him?" what about the newest addition to his nightmares? About the man who'd been excited about meeting him, whose trading cards were now bloodstained and he could still see the bloody card in his hands. Had kept them as a reminder. Steve remembered the feeling of self-hatred that he'd hidden so very well. Every time someone died on his watch it was a failure and slowly ate at his soul. Took a piece of him that he never got back.

"I think he is alive. Said something to Stark right before you showed up. Neither Natasha nor myself were getting very far in our search."

"_What_?" Steve leaned forward even as his heart leapt in his chest. His mind screaming that it couldn't be true and yet at the same time begging that Clint's words were a reality.

"Is it a surprise that Fury might have lied about it?" the voice came from the doorway where Tony Stark stood leaning against the frame. In his hand a cup of coffee. A smudge of oil or something was smeared across his cheek. Tony's pants were ripped. His shirt had clearly seen better days and the arc reactor glowed softly underneath. "No funeral. His family has _not_ been notified of his death. _Nothing_. How is that not suspicious?" he pushed off of the doorframe and sauntered into the room. Some kind of tool was sticking out of his back pocket and Steve tried not to shake his head in exasperation. The man was unique. Steve would give him that without much trouble. Though probably not out loud. Tony Stark did not need such encouragements all the time.

Tony reached back, pulled the tool out and put it on the coffee table along with his mug. He dropped down onto the couch next to Steve kicking his shoes off as he went. Every stiff line of his body relaxed and melted into the cushions. A pleased sigh escaped and Steve wanted to point out if Tony took better care of himself that he would not be so stiff or irritable. That it would be better for his heath. But he was not going to be a hypocrite. Yet.

"What's more is we've heard nothing about his death from SHIELD except for the initial announcement from Fury that you all received while I was unconscious." Clint scowled and crossed his arms.

"I'll find him." Tony declared, "You can't hide from me when I want to find you."

"A warning to all who wish to escape him." Clint snarked as Tony cheerfully flipped him off and Steve actually grinned instead of chastising them.

"You're just jealous, Barton. I know you wish you were mine and that you would have all my attention, love and care focused on you. But alas I will not fight Natasha for your love or your affections."

Steve blinked, staring between the two of them and the casual way Tony had said those sentences. "Um…" he trailed off not sure how to word his question or if it would be completely unwanted. Was that kind of thing ok now?

Tony cocked his head to the side and Steve saw the moment that brilliant mind figured out what Steve had been thinking. "_Oh Spangles_. I did not know you were unaware." He tapped his arc reactor before glancing at Clint who shrugged. "Damn you Barton."

"Pretty sure I already am."

Steve stared horrified at Clint for the comment, "Don't say that. I'm sure you're not _damned_."

"Alright, children. Back to the task at hand. _Steve_. We live in a world where it is not wrong to love whoever you love. In fact same-sex couples can even marry. They can adopt children. Own a house together. Fortunately legislation was passed recently." Tony continued to regard Steve in a steady manner, expression calm and eyes taking in each reaction to the information. "I guess you haven't gotten to those particular books in your shelf, huh?"

"No." it was faint because Steve was surprised. Remembered how other soldiers would look the other way when one of them took comfort in another man. Would hear conversations about it and comments from the bolder soldiers. Had remembered asking with embarrassment about how that even _worked_. Had honestly been curious for his own reasons. "It was _wrong_."

Tony nodded sagely, "It _was _thought to be wrong. Now it isn't. That doesn't bother you…does it?" a vague look of concern took over Tony's features. "I know there are so many shocking things in the world that are different from your time…"

"No. It doesn't bother me." Steve sighed and pulled his mind back from the sheer surprise as he dragged a hand through his hair. "I've always believed that you can't help who you love. That gender is irrelevant. My Mom didn't raise me to be prejudiced."

Now Tony was beaming at him, "Excellent. Very forward thinking for that time period. Your mother must have been a hell of a woman."

Clint was nodding along as well. "Very surprising for that time period."

"I agree." Tony grinned, "I've never really been one to focus on gender. Kissed a guy once when I was drunk at MIT." He shrugged it off when Steve blinked at him. "What?"

"You amaze me sometimes." Steve muttered before leaning back, "How on Earth did we get from Coulson to talking about…sexuality?"

"Spangles. When you're talking with me I can eventually link the conversation to sex. Trust me. It is a talent."

A sigh escaped once more and Steve regarded the two men staring at him with amusement shining in their eyes, "The two of you are a bad combination. Something is warning me about it."

"Good on you. Now I have been working with JARVIS to hack into the satellites. We'll see if I can find Agent."

* * *

Steve was trying to work the device in his hands without asking for help as Tony stared at his own screen. An expression of surprise flitted across his face. "There he is." Was muttered softly and Steve glanced over at Tony once more. "Right there. Alive." The supersoldier furrowed his brow and leaned over to look at Tony's tablet instead of his own. He'd figure out YouTube in a second. Agent Phil Coulson sat on a porch near a beach. The man looked tired, face more gaunt than Steve remembered.

"What is this?" his voice was not shaking. His body was not tense and Steve was quite sure there was no way he had to force himself from taking that device from Tony's hands. Nope. None of those things were happening. "Tony?"

"I successfully hacked into the satellites and I have been running a face recognition program. Just wanted to eliminate that from my list of possibilities. Nothing could be found in SHIELD. Couldn't find his face and there were no monetary trails leading to him. Tried every alias I could find and the ones our teammates provided. Satellites were going to be a last resort aside from physically prying answers from Fury. Or Hill." Tony's hands were flying over the screen, data Steve was starting to recognize from the times he'd been in the workshop to pass long nights. There were still symbols he did not recognize. Steve resolved to ask for a book or something so he could learn them. Could come in handy later on.

"Where is he?" Steve was leaning into Tony's side, could feel the warm press of Tony's body and jerked away slightly. But Tony didn't react and instead glanced at him in confusion when Steve had jerked away.

"Right there." Tony rotated the screen, moved his fingers and the image enlarged of an island. One Steve did not recognize. "And we are going to get him." there was determination in Tony's features and Steve grinned. Coulson was alive.

"When are we leaving?" Steve was already rising from his seat with Tony quick to follow.

"As soon as—" a crack of thunder seemed to shake the Tower. Both men tensed and turned to stare at each other. Tony took off running towards the elevator with Steve right behind him. They shoved into the elevator and JARVIS was whisking them up. "No fucking way. That had to be timed. He was listening to us! Only way…"

Steve was still tense, still prepared to act, "Was that Thor?" he questioned. "Have you heard from him since?"

"Nope. Not a word from Hammertime." The doors opened and they were both moving towards the blond god with the hammer who had just entered into the actual Tower.

"Friends!" Thor boomed with an expression of honest happiness on his features. "It has been long since we battled and feasted together."

Tony shoved his hands into his pockets and schooled his expression into one of restrained casualness. "What brings you to Earth big guy?'

"I sought to return for Jane, but first wanted to greet my fellow warriors." And now Thor was pulling Tony into a hug the genius was clearly not expecting if the expression was anything to go by. Steve bit back a snicker before he was being jerked into a hug as well.

"We missed you as well, Thor." He grinned back and tried not to remember standing together with the god watching Tony disappear into a portal he did not expect to come back from. That was a way Steve knew he did not want his mind to travel. Ever again. That way led to guilt and anxiety and regret.

"Where are our other fellow warriors?"

"Probably asleep or awake now that you shook the Tower." Tony muttered to himself already leading the way towards the elevator. "We're taking a quick trip. You want to come?"

"Where?" it was curious as Thor looked around the Tower taking in the changes and repairs from the fight. "Your home has much improved since I last saw it."

"Yep. Doesn't look like a grudge match between two gods or a Hulk happened here." Pride trickled into Tony's voice.

"It looks more like a home." Steve muttered to himself and caught the surprised look on Tony's face as the doors shut taking them back to the main floor.

Natasha and Clint were standing outside of the elevator doors with expectant expressions on their faces. Neither was expecting to be crushed together into a hug. Steve could tell that Tony was wondering if he could keep an image of the expressions on the SHIELD agents' faces. The soldier figured Natasha might try to kill Tony for it.

"So where is this trip you speak of?" Thor was regarding Tony once more.

Tony rocked back on his heels as he regarded all of the eyes now staring at him. "We're going to an island. Put on your big kid clothes people! Pack some clothes!"

"Why are we going to an island?" Natasha raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms. A slight tapping noise filled the air as her foot moved in a set rhythm.

"I found him." there was a slight smug air about Tony Stark, but also a sense of relief. "Agent is alive." With that he turned away rattling off commands to JARVIS to prepare the jet and send a couple of cars to pick them up. "Send a delayed message to Pepper informing her of my traveling."

"What time should I relay the message?"

"When we land."

The two assassins headed towards their room to change clothes and pack a bag while Tony glanced around. Steve watched as Tony's brow furrowed before the genius spun on his heel leaving the room muttered to himself while tapping away at his phone.

"How have you been fairing, Captain?" Thor inquired focusing on Steve once the others had disappeared.

"Still settling in, Thor. How are things on Asgard?" he decided to avoid mentioning one particular person on the off chance that it was not received well. Steve was not going to mention the problems he was still having. He was going to keep those to himself.

"They are settling down. Father has seen fit to punish Loki for his actions against the people of Earth." Thor frowned slightly but recovered quickly. "He has drastically limited my brother's powers and his ability to travel much like the lesson he sought to teach me."

"When you were originally sent to Earth?"

"Yes. And I met Jane, Darcy and Selvig."

"Alright everyone is here! Let's get this party on the road. Chop chop people." Tony was practically vibrating with energy; a tablet held in his hand. Two bags sat at his feet. "That one is yours, Cap. Sorry big guy but I don't have anything that is going to fit you." Tony regarded Thor who nodded. "Maybe something when we land?" Bruce was smiling softy beside Tony and trying not to chuckle at Tony's manic energy bubbling up. A bag hung loosely from his hand.

Steve collected the indicated bag and followed Tony towards the elevator with the others following. He stared out of the window in the car letting the idle chatter flow over him as the lights from various buildings flew by. In Tony Stark's world trips like this could happen with next to no planning. The jet was the same as from before, the door open and waiting for them to board. Slowly they boarded with Natasha and Clint finding seats together, Bruce leaning back in his own with a book and Thor nearby. Steve watched as Tony spoke with the pilot before making a beeline for the couch. The genius slouched into his chosen seat.

"Those," he pointed towards a few different spots. "will recline as we'll be in the air for quite a while. Might want to catch up on sleep."

Slowly Steve made his way towards one of the indicated chairs and dropped into it. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Soft chatter washed over his senses as he felt the plane take off smoothly. Such simple things amazed him. Dreams of the battle in New York featured prominently. Fights he could have changed to improve the number of lives saved and moments he wasn't quite sure he remembered in his waking moments. But he knew the moment coming, could feel it in the air as he fought near Thor. Natasha's voice filled his awareness. She could close the portal. Did anyone copy?

Tony's voice responding as he was giving the go ahead. There was a nuke coming and he knew where to put it. That same feeling of hopelessness washed over him and it was like Bucky all over again only a different result. A different person. But Tony made it back and Bucky didn't.

Steve's body tensed and he was jerking awake, breathing slightly faster than normal as his eyes darted around. Everyone was asleep. They had moved to the other chairs that reclined. Except for Tony who was curled on the couch, tablet resting on his chest under his hand. A very familiar expression on his features as a few sounds of distress escaped.

Carefully Steve moved out of his own chair moving towards the back. A few pulled open compartments and he found enough blankets. He moved to each of his teammates as he covered them up. Natasha cracked open an eye at the weight of the cover as she took in Steve's form before offering a slight smile as she relaxed slowly back into sleep. With two blankets left he moved towards Tony who was still fighting whatever battle he was currently engaged in his dreams. The soldier covered him up and sat down in the same place as before near Tony. This time there was no TV to turn on for sound. He leaned back into the cushions while propping his feet up on table he knew was supposed to be for drinks or working during flight. But Steve wanted his feet elevated and he could feel guilty some other time. Eventually he was able to drop back into sleep to the sounds of his teammates' even breathing; the wind and engines lulled him into a dreamless rest.

It was a short drive from the jet's landing to the location Tony claimed Phil Coulson was located. Tony was clearly having far too much fun behind the wheel as he flew into the driveway before killing the engine. Thor was grinning widely and Steve was trying to regulate his breathing.

"Are you nuts?" he almost screamed and resisted the urge to lunge over into the driver's seat to strangle Tony who was still grinning insanely.

"As before the jury is still out." And Steve flashed back to the last time he'd asked the very same question. Another vehicle slid into the place right next to them and Clint was flipping them off from the passenger window. Natasha smacked him in the back of the head and then everyone was piling out of the vehicles.

"COULSON GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Tony had cupped his hands to aid in his shouting. Steve doubted very much that it was needed. He was sure there were people back in America who had heard his big mouth.

"SON OF COUL!" Thor boomed and his voice carried further than Tony's had. It was almost awe-inspiring. Steve tried not to stare before starting towards the building. Natasha and Clint already making their way to the door.

The door opened slowly revealing Agent Phil Coulson clutching a gun in his hand that he was slowly lowering. "What is going on here?" he demanded staring at the cluster of Avengers outside of his door.

Thor had moved ahead and pulled Coulson into a hug, fortunately mindful to not squeeze him too hard before the god sat Coulson back on his feet. "I am glad to see you alive, Son of Coul."

Clint was throwing an arm around Coulson, "What are you doing here?"

"Director Fury ordered me to take four months off to recover." Phil looked around and noted several less than happy faces. Tony Stark looked the angriest and Steve knew his expression was full of disappointment.

"Fury ordered you?" Tony's voice was barely restrained and the good humor from before was long gone. Steve wished for its swift return. "Do you know how long he planned on _not_ telling us of your survival?"

Coulson blinked looking around at each of the expressions, "The Director was supposed to inform you of my survival after the fight."

* * *

_Yes I'm aware that there have not been laws passed that provide rights for marriage across the whole country when it comes to same-sex relationships. Well in this world it has happened. It should be coming eventually._


	4. Chapter 4

Tony felt a muscle jump in his jaw as he locked it down; bit back the words he clearly wanted to say. He would not flip the fuck out. Not right now. Fury wasn't here and it wouldn't be fair to Patchy if he wasn't around for it. So Tony went with something else, "Did he inform you of the fate of your Captain America cards?" Tony raised an eyebrow as he fished in his jacket pocket. Had raided Steve's room when he was packing the soldier's bag and had been keeping them on himself until the right moment. Tony had known that Steve kept them. It hadn't even been a question in his mind.

"My cards?" dread filled Coulson's voice. He'd had those since they were first released. Steve could see the worry filling the Agent's eyes at the thought of something he was so proud of possibly being damaged. But Steve knew they were damaged; ruined. Blood stained.

The billionaire held them out and Steve noted that Coulson was moving slowly as he reached out to collect them. Steve watched as Coulson visibly deflated as he stared at them; saw the blood staining such treasured items. "Why is there blood on them?" it was calm and collected. Clint and Natasha leaned back from the clearly distressed man. Steve could tell that his tone of voice was something the two assassins knew to avoid or take caution from.

"Fury said they were in your pocket when you were killed. Then he proceeded to rub them in Steve's face that he didn't sign them." Tony's voice was full of righteous fury, but he was holding it back. "Threw them at him actually." Steve noted that Tony was not touching on his reaction, was avoiding it completely and knew that Tony had honestly been distressed by Coulson's _death_. The cards hadn't helped either.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to sign them." Steve felt honest remorse for it and it showed in his voice. He'd believed that he had failed Phil Coulson. That the man before him was just another person he had failed to save. Someone who looked up to him and it had been for nothing.

"No. You were going to sign them. That's what matters." Coulson stared at them as he looked at each. Took in the faces of the Avengers. Looked at Steve. The first real superhero and the man he'd looked up to his whole life. Now he hoped he would get to work with Steve Rogers. That he would get to work with all of them. He'd seen the footage of the battle, read the reports. Had seen Stark's sacrifice.

"I'm going to sign them." It was sure, resolute and unwavering. Steve did not make promises lightly. He kept them. This was one he would keep without hesitation.

Tony glanced at Coulson's face and then looked over at Steve. A slightly embarrassed expression on his features. "I know where to get those exact cards without the blood." He muttered it and was not looking at anyone. Steve just stared at Tony who was actually blushing. The genius had an honest embarrassed expression on his face and his eyes were not looking them in the face completely.

Natasha's face lit up because she knew what he was talking about as it had actually come up in conversation with Pepper Potts when she was undercover at Stark Industries. That had been an interesting conversation. But it made sense. After all Howard Stark knew Steve Rogers/Captain America.

Coulson's eyes narrowed in thought as he looked up from the cards. Steve continued to note the expression on Tony's face and was intrigued. "Where?"

"It is not my collection! Let me get that clear right now. Not mine. I swear. The only thing I owned was a Cap toy when I was little and that was because of my godmother!" Tony's voice had turned defensive, eyes slightly guarded and the shorter man had shoved his hands into his pockets as something to do with them.

A very amused grin stole over Natasha's face as she started whispering to Clint. Steve watched with curiosity as a very gleeful expression took over the archer's face. Whatever it was Steve didn't care. The team was whole once more. Phil Coulson wasn't dead and it looked like he was going to get another chance to make things right. It was a small thing, but it still lifted one of those weights off of Steve's chest. Now he'd gotten two second chances. The first with Tony when he came back from the portal, alive. Now the second with Coulson.

"What collection?" Steve finally questioned, enjoying the joking mood of the group and the beautiful scenery. It was beautiful here. Calm and peaceful. You could hear the ocean. The waves breaking against the shoreline, the wind tossing the leaves and a general feeling of peace seemed to permeate the air. It was amazing.

A look of resolve stole over Tony's features, "A Captain America collection. It isn't some crazy person collection, but he had quite a few of the other items. Those cards are among them. He also had most of your items from before you crashed. Kept them stored along with the files from the program, the missions and pictures. Where else do you think those things came from in your room? If you've explored everything in your quarters you would have found everything that had been salvageable. I gave it back because it is yours." Tony rocked back on his heels and exhaled before meeting Steve's eyes.

It was nice getting to see Tony not so completely sure of himself. Not practically radiating complete confidence and a cocky swagger. It made him more human and Steve found that he liked that best. Liked seeing that little bit of human in his teammates. Before there had been a sense of distance between them and now he could see past that.

"You have those cards?" Coulson inquired, eyes slightly narrowed as he considered Tony Stark. It was amusing to see the two interacting. But Steve had heard Tony offering to fly Phil Coulson out to Oregon. Remembered seeing Tony's reactions to Coulson dying. Had heard the pride in Coulson's voice when he'd answered questions about Iron Man when Steve had inquired about those being assembled.

"Yeah. You can have them. You know…coming back from the dead and all. Unless you agreed with Fury keeping the lie from us all this time. In which case I will burn them in front of your eyes." Tony's eyes had narrowed in return as he dared Coulson to admit to deceiving them.

"Director Fury was supposed to inform you that I was recovering here. That he had ordered it." Coulson locked eyes with Tony and Steve could see the honesty there, the slight annoyance and an underlying confusion at Fury keeping the information from the Avengers.

"Great. You're coming back with us. How much of this is yours?" Tony turned from Coulson and was looking around. His eyes looked through the windows, taking in everything and cataloging it. Steve could see the man taking stock of the items in the house, things that might indicate they were Coulson's and more than likely looking for some kind of surveillance. Steve could see that Tony was pushing his honest reactions down, minimizing them and trying to cover it up. But Steve had been around when Tony's mask had slipped, when the true emotion had escaped and had seen the absolute guilt written on the other man's face. Had seen his face after Fury's voice had announced that Agent Coulson was down. For one moment it was as though Tony Stark's world had shattered and the only thing Steve could hear him say, something he was sure Tony was not aware of, had been _Yinsen_. Steve had yet to ask what that meant or who that was because the look on Tony's face had said that it was a touchy subject. Something not to be broached.

"_Agent Coulson is down_."

The words had hung in the air between them. Tony Stark had thrown something at the wall as hard as he could. Steve had not seen what the object had been. Whatever it was had shattered. Honest pain had crossed Tony's face and had then been hidden behind the mask he'd slammed down. But Tony had not kept that mask on as tightly as Steve figured he'd wanted as bits of emotion had shown through when they met with Fury and later when he'd searched Tony out. The other man had shown the emotions he'd been feeling inside, which he'd kept a firm grasp on because it wasn't a time for him to show emotion. For Steve to allow himself to crumble. To fall apart at a life cut short. Someone had to be strong. Had to have a clear focus and Steve was more than able to put his own emotions aside for others. To keep steady because someone on the team needed to stay focused.

Snapping out of the darker thoughts Steve focused once more on Coulson and Tony.

Coulson was staring at them and Steve could see the moment the man just decided to go with the flow. To not question it. Steve figured that sometimes when dealing with Tony Stark that was the best thing you could do at any given point. Just not questioning it. At his nod Clint and Natasha were moving away, through the house collecting things and putting them in the suitcases in the front closet. Thor was more than happy to follow them, carrying several items at once and Steve followed them in with Bruce right behind him. But Tony Stark remained on the porch with Coulson.

When Steve glanced out the window he could see them talking, Tony's face animated and a hint of anger in his features while Coulson appeared unaffected, calm. He couldn't help but stand there in the window watching them. Could tell that Coulson was trying to calm Tony down despite Tony's own attempts at hiding how wound up he was on the inside. Steve thought that as Coulson had been around Tony when he had first become Iron Man that Coulson had some experience with reading Tony.

Natasha stopped beside him to glance out the window, "Don't worry about them. Coulson is great at reading him; for the most part that is." She grinned shifting the box in her hands as the sounds of Thor and Clint moving things in another room drifted up to catch his attention.

"How is that?" he asked, curious as he pulled his eyes away from the window and the scene it was providing him with.

"Well Coulson was assigned Stark when SHIELD first figured out he was Iron Man. Coulson has been the handler for Clint, Stark and myself prior to the Avengers Initiative being _officially_ created. It had been an idea to begin with but Stark set it off into being thought of seriously as an actual program. Then it was scrapped, but Coulson was still assigned to the three of us."

"And now? Is he still going to be your handler?"

"I don't know." Her voice was uncertain. "I'm not sure that working for SHIELD is in our best interest."

* * *

While flying back Steve could hear Tony speaking on the phone with someone, talking about a room and setups. It was easy to figure out what he was doing when Tony told Coulson a set of rooms were waiting for him. When Tony had handed over a set of cards for Steve to sign there had been a slight teasing glint to his eyes and Steve had felt another weight lift when he'd given them to Coulson, finally. Then Tony was disappearing down into his workshop without a word.

Steve sat in the kitchen, staring at the wall and going over everything that had happened so very recently. Coulson was alive and he wasn't the only one working so very hard to keep a mask on. It was hard not to wonder if Tony Stark was driving himself insane keeping up that mask around others. Working until he passed out and even then still fighting in his sleep.

The soldier walked out of the kitchen and into the sitting room to see Coulson in a chair with Clint and Natasha nearby. They were speaking in low tones and he could see the concern in their faces. Could feel the tension the two SHIELD agents had been carrying with them vanish. Clint looked far lighter than he had in the whole time that Steve had known the archer and he had been catching snatches of a joking personality between the long stretches of somber expressions. It was as though all the suffering he'd experienced had been worth it in the end if Coulson was returned. Someone he'd worked with for years and didn't Steve know the feeling of having someone you'd known for years returned. Steve only hoped that Coulson wasn't taken away like Bucky had been later on. He knew the feeling far too well.

Natasha's eyes were dancing, a small smile tugged at her lips and he could hear the soft laughter escaping at something Clint had just said. Coulson's features reflected a quiet amusement and Steve could tell he'd been working with the two for years. Steve knew a little about their history, but there was one thing he'd noticed about the Avengers. They kept their secrets pretty close to the chest. And he was no different. He wasn't going to go telling about the horrors from his past, things he'd rather forget about or information he wasn't sure he wanted to share. Bucky's panicked eyes flashed through his mind before he ducked back out of the sitting room and moved towards the sounds of voices.

Bruce was showing Thor how to use the phone and Steve was slightly happy to know he had taken to the technology far easier than Thor appeared to be at the moment. Then again he had the unfair advantage of having some experience with technology even though it was very outdated technology. He was going to cling to that slight sense of pride about his small accomplishments. "JANE?" the god of thunder's voice boomed through the room and he could see Bruce stifling quiet laughter at Thor's loud voice. "I HAVE MISSED YOU!" the expression of absolute delight on Thor's face was perfect. Steve was honestly happy to have the last Avenger back, but he wondered how long the Asgardian would stay this time.

"Thor. You don't have to speak so loudly. She can hear you." It was patient and the good humor in Bruce's voice caused a bit of warmth to swell in Steve's chest. When no one else would give him a chance Tony Stark had been more than willing to bond with the Doctor. Had given the man a chance and the friendship was more than evident to anyone with eyes.

"Oh. I am sorry Lady Jane! My fellow warrior, Bruce Banner, is showing me how to work this…device." Thor grinned against the phone and Bruce was shaking his head, hand covering his mouth as he leaned back into the chair. But Thor was still grinning at him, the small phone held in his large hand and Steve was just waiting for him to crush it. He'd destroyed a couple of phones prior to the one Tony had given him that was reinforced. At least that was what the man had told him. A reinforced phone for the supersoldier. Of course he probably gave one to Bruce as well.

"You can just call me Bruce, Thor." Calm humor and relaxed body showed the ease that Bruce was feeling.

Thor beamed widely now, "Bruce."

Steve pulled his head back out of the room and went in search of his final teammate. The only one not accounted for and he knew Tony was going to lock himself down there. He only hoped that Jarvis would let him in with the code he'd been given the day after his arrival.

Walking carefully down the steps he could see into the workshop. Could see Tony walking back and forth, mouth moving as he gestured wildly in the air. A bot was following his movements with his camera. There was a screen up, but he couldn't make out what was one it.

Steve cautiously put his hand against the glass before typing in his code, always mindful of not using too much strength because he did not want to break Tony's glass wall. The door swished open softly allowing the sounds in the workshop to filter out and up the stairs before sliding back shut behind Steve. There were many precautions and Tony had gone through half of them one night.

Rock music played on low in the background of Tony's loud ranting and Fury's equally angry voice mixed in. He looked up and noted that Nick Fury was on the screen that Tony was now glaring at angrily.

"All you do is come in and ruin lives! You think you're above everyone else and that you can play with people's emotions like they're nothing." Tony threw a wrench across the room when Fury had the audacity of snorting at him. It clattered off the ground, sliding until it hit a wall.

"I'm not the only one who thinks they're above others. Look at yourself, Stark. I can't think of a better example of someone who thinks they're above others."

"Fuck you, Fury! What you have done is just sick. And what the fuck is up with how you're treating Barton? You _know_ he isn't responsible and using him as a scapegoat is disgusting. I'm trying to decide which action makes me more sickened. Faking Coulson's death before holding out on it for months or pushing the blame for _your_ clusterfuck off onto Clint who was only doing his job that _you_ ordered him to do. Which sounds worse? Because that this point they're both pretty sick." Tony's voice was pitched in anger; it echoed off of the walls and bounced back.

"People need answers."

"People need the truth! What if something like this happens again? You want them running on false information and fucking things up even more? How many lives could it cost next time because of false information? At least I learn from my mistakes. You just keep making them!"

"How many people have your weapons killed? How many corrupt individuals have used Stark weapons?" Nick Fury leaned towards the camera and Steve could see the tension in Tony's shoulders. Knew it was a sore spot.

"Fuck you. I had nothing to do with that and I went out there to destroy those weapons. To make it right." His voice was filled with suppressed anger and Steve could see Tony's hand clenching into a fist. Knuckles white. A muscle jumped in Tony's cheek and Steve took a step forward, still out of range of Fury's sight and Tony's notice.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Stark." disdain colored Fury's voice.

"Where do you get off attacking me? This is about your actions Mr. Puppet Master." Tony paused in his movements and turned his complete undivided attention at the screen. Dummy whined and rolled forward a few feet towards Tony. "You stay away from my team."

"If I recall correctly you didn't want a team. Wanted to work solo."

"You don't always get what you want. You can blame yourself for this whole thing if it makes you feel better. But they're mine now and no one messes with what is mine." Steel ran through Tony's voice and the other man had tipped his chin up in defiance. Challenging Fury.

"So you're saying the Avengers will not step up when the time comes."

Tony scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and widening his stance slightly. "No. If there is a threat we'll have no problem dealing with it. But we're not your lapdogs; we'll not jump when you say. If you're lucky there might be some day that we can trust you, but as of this moment the Avengers will work _with_ SHIELD. Not for it."

"I don't think you have any idea what your teammates are going to agree with, Stark. You don't speak for all of them."

"I fully back Tony on his decision. The team backs Tony on this stance." Steve stepped closer into view and watched as two sets of eyes snapped over to regard him. "The Avengers will not work for SHIELD, but we can work with them."

"Captain. I don't think you understand—"

"I understand completely, _sir_. SHIELD _lies_. That has been one thing that has remained steady throughout my association with your organization. The moment I woke up it was one big lie and now I've noticed a pattern of lying. Your treatment of my team has left much to be desired. I have no problem coming in for debriefings _after_ or working with SHIELD during a situation, but we'll not be taking orders. We're not SHIELD agents." Steve kept his voice steady because he was going to show his support for his teammate. Tony had come down here to deal with the situation himself and Steve would not leave that responsibility to Tony. He was given the charge to lead a team; given the responsibility for their lives and Steve Rogers was not going to allow harm to fall upon any of them. For now Fury's lead was causing harm.

"Rogers." There was a warning tone in Fury's voice and Steve did not back down. If he wasn't going to back down against men who were twice his size prior to the serum then why was he going to back down to someone on a computer screen? Someone honestly not a threat to him. Fury had nothing on anything he'd seen since officially becoming Captain America.

"No. And with all due respect, Sir. I would appreciate it if you would back off of Tony. I'm hard pressed to think of someone I would trust more with my life or the lives of this team than him. He was not the one selling those weapons to terrorists and from what I have seen Iron Man has done nothing but help others." Blue eyes were narrowed, "And if we're pointing fingers at loss of life I can't even begin to count the number of lives that were lost at my hands during the war. Both directly and indirectly. It is a sad fact of life, but the cost of war is lives. And Tony was not the one pulling the trigger." Steve clenched his jaw and wanted to hit himself because that was too much. That was his problem and it didn't need to be out there in the air. But it fit the moment and it wasn't fair on Tony. He could still remember the offhanded comment he'd made about weapons on the helicarrier. Another regret to feel for his words against Tony.

Tony remained silent during the exchange and the screen went black. Steve assumed it was Jarvis or Tony had done something he had not noticed. The soldier looked at his feet because he didn't want to meet Tony's eyes after that comment. It was another thing to be ashamed of and really why had he not kept that thought to himself. Steve mentally smacked himself; wanted to scream at himself for saying that out loud, but it was too late.

"Do you honestly believe that?" Tony asked his voice quiet and words careful. He was glancing at Steve warily as though something might happen if he spoke wrong or used the wrong words. It was clear the other man was on uneven ground and he didn't know how to deal with Steve. It made a dry chuckle escape.

"Yes. I led men into warzones, on missions and I carried not just my shield, but guns. I have thrown people off of aircrafts. Shot people. How could I not honestly believe it?" Steve looked up at Tony and watched the look of discomfort pass across Tony's face. The genius fiddled with a hologram, hands simply enlarging it before shrinking it once more. It was vaguely distracting, but Steve pulled his attention back towards Tony.

"War is different. Those people were going to kill you or your men. Had been killing others, torturing them and had plans to continue. If they had been allowed to live it would have cost lives. These people were responsible for the Holocaust. Remember when we were going over that event? I know you looked it up when I left. At least the lives lost at your hands were evil people. What about those whose lives were taken with my weapons? The innocents?" Tony's eyes were burning into his and Steve could see that this subject was a touchy one with the other man.

"Have you spoken to anyone about that? About how much it upsets you?" he asked his voice low and calm because this was something to handle with caution. Steve took a step forward and watched as Tony moved back a step. Another chance for him to help someone. Maybe that was what Tony Stark needed more than anything was some help? He had no problem providing it whether the other man wanted it or not because it would help in the long run.

A scoff escaped, "Why would I speak to anyone? All you have to do is go on YouTube or a news website or some of those files I know SHIELD has; you probably even have some since Coulson gave files to me. All anyone needs to know about Tony Stark can be found online or in SHIELD files I'm sure." He turned away as he crossed the workshop hands moving holograms out of his way with a casual grace that Steve envied for a moment before moving after him.

"Because you shouldn't suffer alone."

"Why not?" Tony glanced over his shoulder at him, eyebrow raised before offering a sardonic smirk that slowly fell from his face. "When I was held captive in Afghanistan one of my captors said they were honored to meet me. _Tony Stark, the most famous mass murderer in the history of America_. That was what he said. A terrorist was honored to meet me. I think someone like that should suffer alone." He dropped down onto his couch, body going lax against the cushions as Steve moved closer. Steve could practically feel pain radiating from Tony, but he could also tell the other man was trying to conceal it from him and again was failing miserably.

"You're going to take the words of a terrorist to heart? You created those weapons to protect soldiers. _To save lives_. Once the weapon leaves Stark Industries you have no control over it; the uses or the intent of the user. Now you're working with clean energy, technology creation and Iron Man." Steve looked down at Tony who was going for nonchalant, working to keep the mask that Steve was working so very hard to rip off. He didn't care how long it took but he was going to make sure this team stuck together. That they were a team. "I thought Tony Stark was made of stronger stuff."

"I am." He looked up at him, "I heard stories about you growing up. Both drunken rants and bedtime stories from a very smart woman." Tony glanced sideways when he noted Dummy at the blender, the machine kicking on as the bot turned it on. Fortunately he'd thought to put the lid on instead of splattering the stuff everywhere. A smile tugged at his lips before he turned away from the sight.

"Probably over-exaggerations." Steve offered with a light shrug. "Is that the same woman who gave you the Cap toy?" and he was grinning now, enjoying the banter because they were moving into lighter territory and away from a very depressing path. Something he preferred. Tony could bring out the best and worst in a person. It amazed him every time he thought of it.

Tony gave him a look, one that was clearly weighing his options and whether he should continue or not. "Yes. She was the same woman."

"Did I know her?" he asked, already knowing the answer, but wanted to hear it from Tony himself. Something more about someone he cared about.

"Yes. My father kept in contact with his war buddies and they kept in contact with him. Especially those people who were a part of SHIELD. Something I didn't know about until recently. I had no idea he was involved in SHIELD or that those people who would come around were also involved. Most of them were either involved with the supersoldier program or knew of it. Fury loved rubbing that in my face." The last bit was muttered in annoyance.

"Peggy." Steve whispered her name softly while looking down at Tony, "She spoke about me?"

"Of course. She spoke about you all the time when she visited, brought me a Cap toy." The way Tony spoke of her made Steve want to question him. "You went to see her, didn't you?"

"I thought briefly of calling her, but that seemed wrong." He'd been trying not to think of the visit. Of seeing Peggy after so long. Continued to push it from his mind and focus on the gravesites he'd visited.

She still had the same fire in her eyes, the same light and she had lived a good life. Had a full life of love and laughter and had few regrets. He couldn't have asked for more. "She told me she wanted me to go on with my life. To find someone else."

"Doesn't hurt any less, does it?" and he wasn't rubbing it in and Steve could tell that as he dropped down into the couch next to Tony.

"Nope. But she is right. Peggy has always been right." He grinned ruefully as he mimicked Tony's position on the couch, slumping back into the cushions and losing some of that stiffness he often maintained after his time as a soldier. Old habits die hard after all.

"Hate it when that happens. I have one of those in my life as well." Tony offered up the similarity. "I dated mine as well. We all see how that one worked out, huh? But she stuck around afterwards and officially as of a few days ago I am once more CEO of Stark Industries with Pepper as second in command."

Steve glanced sideways at him, "Why did you take back CEO?"

"She wouldn't have stayed otherwise; I just know it because no one should have that kind of stress that I was pushing off onto her. It wasn't fair and even I can recognize it. I value that friendship far too much to lose her. And the reason I handed over CEO to her in the first place is because I was dying and I wanted my company in the hands of someone I could trust. Someone who wouldn't go back to weapons manufacture. I go into the office more than before, but this time I have everything split. My main focus is in New York and Pepper's is in California. Main operations are here." Tony reached out to take the offered cup from Dummy, looking down into it in question.

"It is safe for consumption, sir." Jarvis answered the unspoken question and Steve figured that it was something Tony asked frequently. The bot was already coming back with another drink, holding it out for Steve who took it with a slight grin.

"Thanks." The bot whirred happily and wheeled off across the room. Steve watched after him as Dummy began to interact with the other two bots, Butterfingers and You.

Tony had already downed half of his and was watching Steve with a curious expression as he lifted his own glass to his lips. "You don't have to drink it."

"It would be rude not to." Steve tilted it up and took a drink. It tasted healthy and he blinked in surprise. "You drink this?"

"It isn't bad." There was a slight defensive note in his voice, "Dummy has gotten very good at making them." And Steve could hear a protective quality to the tone and the way Tony looked at Dummy who was watching them from a distance made him grin.

"I wasn't saying it was bad. I'm surprised you drink something so healthy." He watched as color rose in Tony's cheeks and the other man looked away from him taking another drink.

"The only things he seems to make are healthy." came the response against the rim of the drink.

"Let's go upstairs. I think we should take a break from depressing conversation, don't you?" Steve slowly got to his feet and polished off the rest of his cup. He stuck his hand out and waited; Tony studied it for a few seconds before reaching out to grasp the hand.

"Why not?" it was muttered and Tony drank the rest of his own smoothie. He followed after Steve, up the stairs before he the soldier put his hand out to stop him. "What?"

"Thank you for sticking up for Clint. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that." Steve smiled, "You're a good man no matter what you believe." He turned and left Tony standing at the top of the stairs as he moved towards the sitting room. A glance back showed Tony frozen in his steps blinking after him. "Come on Tony!"

Steve moved into the sitting room noting that the three SHIELD agents were still inside though it appeared as though one of them had raided the fridge. "Hey Cap." Clint grinned lazily at him and it was a relief to see such emotion on that typically somber face.

"Everything alright?" he questioned looking at them as he stepped into the room completely. Staying up talking or watching TV or joking would be a far better way to spend the night. Now he just needed to get the others into the room.

Tony walked in slowly looking around the room with an unconcerned air that Steve knew was fake because Tony Stark was always alert, always focusing on his surroundings. Plus he'd shown far too much in the workshop and on the stairs. Tony was always taking in everything. "So what's the plan, Spangles?" he asked moving in and dropping down onto the couch that wasn't occupied. The two assassins had taken over the loveseat, Coulson in a chair near them and now Steve was standing in the middle.

"Movies?" Clint questioned; there were so many movies Steve hadn't seen and so many references the others made that he did not understand. "You have a lot to catch up on. Unless Stark has seen fit to introduce you to the wonderful world of cinema."

"I haven't really gotten the opportunity to introduce him to many movies, yet. Thor is also sadly lacking in the movie knowledge. Jarvis. Get Thor and Bruce in here."

"Yes, sir."

"Where is the man in the walls?" Thor questioned as he came into the room, eyes dancing around as he looked for Jarvis while Bruce followed trying to explain that there was not a man in the walls.

"It isn't a man. Jarvis is an Artificial Intelligence. He is a computer." Bruce was still speaking as he followed Thor into the room.

"The voice." Thor said looking back with interest as Tony just shook his head in amused exasperation as he watched the god of thunder looking around for Jarvis.

"He isn't someone you can touch or see, Thor. Now how about you two get in here. We're having a movie night. Steve and Thor are seriously lacking in pop culture references. Jarvis! Order some pizza! What does everyone like?" he questioned looking around.

* * *

Four in the morning rolled around and the most recent movie played on low as Steve relaxed into the couch with his feet propped on a pillow on the coffee table. Empty pizza boxes, beer bottles and glasses littered the room. Along with the sleeping Avengers. Thor was lying on the floor with Mjölnir clutched in his hand with a very fluffy pillow under his head. Three empty pizza boxes lay nearby and Steve knew that had not been all the god of thunder had consumed. Bruce snored in a nearby chair.

Phil had gotten up sometime during the second movie and begged off going towards his room while Natasha and Clint were curled up together. Their legs were tangled, bodies pressed close together in sleep with an obvious trust for each other that made Steve grin softly. It was nice seeing them relaxed and with each other. He could tell shortly after meeting Natasha that something was missing from her; a crucial piece gone. Then Clint had returned, had fought beside Natasha as another Avenger and he could tell that missing piece was back. A balance had returned.

Tony was stretched out on the couch, pillow pushed into Steve's side and completely dead to the world. His shoes had been kicked off some point during the first movie and Steve knew they were on the ground at the end of the couch. Thor mumbled something in his sleep and turned slightly into the pillow.

This was better than being alone in a hotel room, staring at the walls and trying to drag himself back to the present. It was getting better, but he could still hear their screams. See the faces pale with fear or pain.

The room was warm and still and calm. Steve Rogers was firmly grounded in the present and the mumbles coming from Tony's mouth were not pained or panicked. They were simply words from a dream.

"Good." He muttered into the dark room. "No more nightmares." Steve turned his attention back to the screen as a 'Terminator' continued to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting population. He found himself getting sucked back into the movie and ten minutes until the end his eyes started closing. Steve dropped off into sleep and Jarvis turned the TV off leaving the Avengers sleeping in the darkened room.


End file.
